Next week, I turn 38. Where has the time gone? It doesn’t
seem possible that it’s been three years since I started this project (or 20
years since I graduated high school, as the impending reunion has made clear).
I started this blog because 35 felt huge to me. That age,
more than 25 or 30, had weight to it. As each day takes me further from that
milestone, I haven’t yet grasped why that number stuck out but do know that it
was an important age and that the things that happened to me when I was 35
created ripples that I still feel to this day, and likely will for years to
come.
In the nearly two years since I last posted, I’ve gone from
getting by with a string of part-time and freelance gigs (that I loved and
appreciated more than I can properly express) to having a full-time job with
benefits and an office and regular hours and the whole nine yards.
I’m weeks away from my one-year anniversary and filled with
immense gratitude every day. I don’t think I’ll ever lose the warm feeling I
get whenever I pay a bill.
I’m grateful but not complacent. A few months ago we went
through layoffs. I was on the other side of the table this time but my heart
raced when the announcement was made. It was a harsh reminder not to get lazy,
not to take anything for granted.
I could have easily been given the box that day but because
of what I’ve been through, I know that if I did, I would make it through. It
would be miserable for a bit but not insurmountable.
That was the lesson I learned at 35, a lesson I appreciate
every day, even on the days when I need a reminder. For every problem, there’s
a solution. Take a breath, I’ll figure it out.
Even with that lesson learned, with progress being made, I
do still feel like I have so much catching up to do, like I’m not quite at the
point I should be at this age. It’s somewhat reassuring to know that very few
people do. My challenge, though, is to push past that, to challenge myself to
do more while also accepting myself when I can’t.
It’s a worthwhile endeavor. I’ll let you know how I’m doing
when I’m prepping for 39 next year.
