'It's All Part of God's Plan'

You know how when you buy a new car, you start seeing your car everywhere? Is it that there's suddenly more of that type of car out on the road, the increase somehow spurred on by your purchase decision, or is the same amount of that car in the world as always but it's just that you're noticing the make more?

I've had similar experiences with interests, thoughts, concerns and so forth, where a certain topic on my mind springs up all around me. Lately it's been the question of having children or not having children. Maybe it's the election, maybe it's my age, maybe it's just all a big coincidence, but the talk feels like it's everywhere.

On several occasions, I got sucked into the recent season finale of "Keeping up With the Kardashians," watching the three oldest sisters deal with their family planning issues—Kourtney gives birth to her second child, Kim considers freezing her eggs and Khloe learns why she hasn't gotten pregnant after more than two years of trying (and looks to gets very little sympathy from her family over the news).

Over the weekend, The Huffington Post featured a blog posting from Iman where she shared that her 34-year-old daughter, Zulekha Haywood (who wrote this great article for Glamour two years ago about being the plus-sized daughter of one of the most famously beautiful women in the world), is considering freezing her eggs, delaying motherhood until she's in a more stable position in her career, finances and everywhere else. (The first part of the article is really touching but it goes off in so many directions about health care reform and politics and such that the original point—a daughter discussing a life-altering decision with her mother—is muddied.)

The Style Network's Sunday "Sex and the City" marathon featured an episode from the final season where Carrie has the tough talk about the future with her new, older, super-glamorous, globe-trotting boyfriend Aleksandr. He had one child and didn't want more. She wasn't sure if she did want any but wasn't quite sure if she didn't want children either. He pointed out that she was 38 and probably should have had all this figured out since time definitely wasn't on her side.

Last night on "The Mindy Project," successful 32-year-old OB/GYN Mindy is getting an examination from another doctor in her practice. He asks her if she plans to have children and she responds that of course she is, four, and she's already picked out their "Gossip Girl"-esque names. He immediately sets about bursting her bubble, mapping out a future where it will be at least 12 years before she's in a stable enough relationship to even think about having kids, and, really, how realistic is having the first of four kids at 44?

I didn't get any clarity from these little messages making their way from the screen into my brain, but they're just a few more pushes telling me that even if I don't have a solution, I should at least be considering the question. Is this something that I want? Am I sure? And if I'm sure, what am I doing to make it happen?

I'm still at a bit of a loss on all three questions. I know that being an aunt has been one of the greatest gifts of my life and that being a mom would explode that feeling infinitely. But what if it doesn't happen? What if it's just not meant to be? What if I missed my chance? What if, for a million reasons, I can't? Will I be OK with that?

I'm not ready to throw in the towel and I'm also not brave enough to say that, yes, this is what I want. In the meantime, I'll keep filtering in all the articles and storylines and People magazine covers, and I'll continue to feel sympathy for Khloe Kardashian-Odom as she struggles with infertility for a national TV audience.