Two Weeks' Notice

One of my precious nieces turns five this month. When she let me know the other day that she would be five in two weeks, I asked her what she was going to do in her last two weeks as a four-year-old. We shared a few ideas and she decided she'd like to learn how to tell time between now and her birthday.

I'm confident she will.

I want my niece, and everyone else, to make the most out of every day, to learn to do as many new things as possible, see as much of the world as possible, laugh as much as possible, create as much as possible, love and be loved as much as possible. With just two weeks until my milestone birthday, time and experience are more and more on my mind, and I know that I want so much more of both.

I'm taking notes from as many people as I can, both people in my life and people I admire from afar. One of the women in the world I admire most is Madonna, who turns 54 the day after I turn 35. I'd love for her to answer one of my surveys because I know she'd have so much to share and I also feel like her life after 35 is something to aspire to—giving birth to two children, adopting two more children, launching six record-shattering world tours, writing a bestselling children's book series, launching three successful clothing and accessory lines, winning six Grammy Awards, getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, winning two Golden Globe Awards, releasing eight acclaimed albums …

Without a doubt, Madonna is a good role model. My mom is, too, and was kind enough to be my guinea pig in this project and be my first profile subject. Since turning 35, my mom earned her teaching credential and fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming an elementary school teacher, earned a Master's degree in educational administration, was honored for 25 years of service to her school district, bought her first house, began teaching at the college level, and became a grandmother.

Before she could do all that, here's what my mom was doing when she was 35:

Your name? Beverly S.

What year did you turn 35? 1985

Where were you living then? Ontario, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? I was working a part-time job, maybe two! and I was going to Cal Poly, Pomona finishing my teaching credential. I was a student teacher at Berlyn School in Ontario and Cucamonga Elementary. I was also mom to my two kids. Without the help of my parents, I would not have been able to manage it all.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? I was finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I was so exhausted that I came down with pneumonia, I knew I would soon have a teaching job. I kept reminding the kids that this was only temporary and we would soon be better off financially and I wouldn’t have to work two jobs.

What major events happened in the world that year? I looked it up and found lots of political things and economic things and a few natural disasters but I gravitated toward the songs that my children and I were singing along to while going around doing errands—"Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen, "We Are the World" USA for Africa, Madonna's "Like a Virgin," "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner, "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head, "Just A Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody" by David Lee Roth. All of these were fun, made you think you had the power to do something and gave me hope. On television I was watching "Cagney & Lacey" and "MacGyver," which were smart and entertaining. The Live Aid pop concerts in Philadelphia and London raised over $50 million for famine relief in Ethiopia. As a mom, I wanted my children to know they could make a difference.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Spending simple times with my kids. We went to the mall every weekend. We talked and talked! I remember giving them a bunch of change and they would sit outside my class at Cal Poly. They could buy things from the vending machines!

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I had professors who told me I was brilliant! I had not heard this before and it meant so much to me.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? My weight and health were really beginning to become a problem that would last for the next 20 years. I agonized over how this was affecting my children. I wished so much that we had money to do the things that the kids wanted to do.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? To listen to my children. I also learned that what seems like an eternity of time goes by very quickly. I had a group of friends who would meet for fun and for prayer. Their life stories and their faith were of great support to me. They believed in me.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? That this was how it was going to be forever! That I had to work really hard and not allow myself down time.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? That other people who were 35 were so immature!

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would realize how precious my mental and physical health is and take more significant steps to make sure that I was healthy. I kept thinking I could take care of it later and soon it was almost too late. I would not have let fear and depression get a hold of me.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Be the woman you want to be. If you have partner, fine but don't let that partner define you. If you are single, take pride in it and surround yourself with positive friends, groups that can support you, laugh with you and give you love while taking the same from you. Someone once said you need a younger friend to remind you of the future, a friend your own age to share with and an older friend to remind you of the past. Cherish them all. You don't want to be younger, you've done that! Be exactly the age you are.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? My greatest joy at age 35 and everyday has been my two children, one of whom turns 35 this year. My love for her cannot be expressed, my pride for her is unbounded, and my dreams for her are nothing but for her happiness and fulfillment.