'Eyes on Your Own Paper'

Over and over in yoga class we're told not to worry about what other people in class are doing, that yoga isn't a competitive exercise but instead about our own experience. It doesn't matter if someone else can stretch further or hold a pose longer, what's important is doing your best.

That principle applies off the mat as well. This week I had to take a timed test in the same room as about a dozen other people. As I tried to focus on the directions and create a strategy for tackling each assignment, I found myself distracted by the actions of my fellow test-takers. Are they already typing? Should I be further along? Are they already finished? Am I taking too long?

When I left, I was afraid that focusing too much on what someone else was doing had prevented me from doing my very best. In competitive situations, the only variable I control is me and I have to remember that.

I smiled reading through my aunt's contribution when I saw that she learned this same lesson when she was 35.

Your name (first name and last initial) Kristen F. S.

What year did you turn 35? 1985

Where were you living then? Glendale, California

What were you doing then? I had decided to be a stay-at-home mom. I had two young sons, ages 5 and 2, and was pregnant with my third child (who, thankfully, was a girl).

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? It was a huge decision for me to not continue with my career at that time. I have a master's degree in gerontology and had achieved a fairly high level of success working in long-term care communities. I felt that I had a very special gift for working with older people. With our second child, my plan was to just take a few years off. Finding good daycare was difficult and I wanted to provide the absolute best for my children. But when we had our "surprise" third child, I knew in my heart that I could not do my best at work and at home, and I always wanted to do my best, so I began my fulfilling but sometimes frustrating journey of raising children for several years. Professional endeavors were as a volunteer.

What major events happened in the world that year? As you might imagine, with three young children, world events were not foremost on my mind, so I had to go to Wikipedia to research major events for 1985. And guess what?? In 1985, there were multiple terrorist attacks (in Northern Ireland and in the Mideast), several airplane crashes, a huge spy scandal—sound familiar??—and it was the second inauguration of Mr. Ronald Reagan. Guess it doesn't matter who is president. Oh, and the big technology advancement was the introduction of the video game Tetris. Have you heard of that?

What are your favorite memories of being 35? It may be hard to believe, but my absolute favorite memory of being 35 is that I was pregnant. I was one of the lucky women who didn't have morning sickness, didn't gain more than the appropriate amount of weight and actually looked quite pretty. I know—obnoxious! But the reason that this is my favorite memory is that people are SO nice to you when you are pregnant, not just friends and relatives, but people at the grocery store, at all errands-related locations and on the street. I remember smiles, offers of help, compliments—what could be better? I guess I should also mention that my two little boys were challenging—but very cute—another nice memory.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? What I liked best about being 35 is that I no longer compared myself to other people. I grew up with a feeling of always having to live up to my older sisters. In school, I was always striving to do as well as the smartest people in the class. At work, I was trying to prove that I was worthy of the opportunities that were offered to me. Somehow, by 35, I was released from those constant comparisons and was just happy to be myself.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Although I no longer compared myself to others, I did still have an element of self-doubt—my own self-imposed burden. For this reason, I decided to not return to my career for several years—not even part-time—because I didn't believe that I could raise three kids and excel at work at the same time.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I learned patience, sacrifice, perseverance, creativity and unconditional love.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I don't think I really had any particular expectations or attitudes about being 35. One lesson that I had already learned in my studies of gerontology is that chronological age is not really that important. How you are living your life is all that matters.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? I guess I was somewhat surprised that we were having a third child—I was never someone who planned when I would marry, how many kids I would have, etc. The other surprise would be (in hindsight) that being 35 was not surprising—it was just another year with multiple opportunities to live life well.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would definitely blend my life as a wife and mother with my life as a professional with reasonable expectations of both. I don't really believe in "having it all" but now I do think it would have been possible "to have some of many things." Perfection is not a healthy goal.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? Don't focus on your age. Focus on your strengths, your personal well-being and your dreams. It doesn't matter what our society thinks you should be doing—it only matters that you are doing what you want to do.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? The only other words I want to share (again, hindsight) is that if you are focusing on being 35, know this—you are so young!! And you have decades ahead of you to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams! Enjoy the journey!!

'Captured My Imagination'

Sixteen years ago my brother took me to see the new movie from the guy who made "Clerks" and "Mallrats." With that first viewing of "Chasing Amy," I became a life-long Kevin Smith fan.

Earlier this year, I read Smith's latest book (which I wrote a bit about here), which reinforces the message he shares in most of his talks, podcasts and whatnot—to follow your dreams. This week, Smith posted a long entry on his blog about following his latest dream, in this case turning a story he and producing partner Scott Mosier talked about on their podcast into a quickly hammered-out screenplay into a movie that will being shooting this fall.

To sum up, he wrote, "The moral of the story, kids? Chase every dopey dream you ever have, so long as it doesn't involve hurting or killing anybody. You never know where it will lead you."

At nearly 36, I'm trying to do that more, to follow through on any of the millions of little ideas that have spun through my head and turn them into reality. I'm currently filling up a notebook with the beginnings of something. I've also decided what project I'm going to start once I end this project in a few weeks.

I don't know what will come of any of this but the act of putting pen to paper, of seeing words fill a page, of the ideas moving from my head out into the physical world is so exciting. Stay tuned.

'Some Have Gone & Some Remain'

A burger place I used to go to all the time in high school has closed. I was sad to the see that the sign had changed, even though I hadn't eaten there in years.

I think that happens a lot, people lamenting the loss of a once-treasured thing that they haven't thought about or visited in ages. I roll my eyes when I read about throngs of people flocking to get their last meal from some local favorite restaurant that's closing down after falling on hard times—if everyone loved the place so much, business wouldn't have dipped and the place wouldn't need to close.

This impulse isn't saved only for places, it also happens with relationships. "We really should get together more often" is one of my least-favorite phrases. Like with the burger place, if you value a relationship, put the time in, pay a visit, make a call, do something.

Part of getting older means saying goodbye to places and relationships that once meant so much to you. Some of those partings are dramatic and traumatic that you're left with scars, while others happen so gradually and so easily that you barely notice the loss.

I'm not sure which is worse, knowing you're going to lose something that matters or realizing much later that it's long gone. I would like to have more control in both situations though, to make more of an effort, to put in the time and the work necessary so that if another of my favorite places closes or another friend and I part ways, at least I'll know I did what I could to keep them around as long as possible.

'Fine & Dandy'

The last concert I went to was Green Day in March, entirely too long ago. I have two concerts coming up, back-to-back, later this month—Weezer on the 26th and John Mayer on the 27th. To prepare, I loaded my Weezer and John Mayer albums onto my iPod.

On the drive home from yoga tonight, Weezer's "Pork & Beans" came through on shuffle. It was exactly what I needed to hear, so I repeated it. The song's lyrics were written in response to a meeting the band's members had with their record label about doing more-commercial work and celebrates self-love and acceptance.

"I don't give a hoot about what you think," Rivers Cuomo sings in the chorus. I thought that growing older gives confidence and that you stop caring so much about other people's opinions. Sadly, that's not the case.

I don't want to apologize for myself, my life, my decisions or my circumstances. I don't want to be embarrassed about who I am or ashamed about who I'm not. I don't want anyone else's opinion of me have more weight than my opinion of myself. Like Rivers sang, I want to be "fine and dandy with the me inside."

I do feel more comfortable in my skin at 35 than I did at 15 or 25, but there are still times when I waver. Like the guys in Weezer, I know the key is remembering who I am and staying true to that, then all that outside noise will quiet down.