'Eyes on Your Own Paper'

Over and over in yoga class we're told not to worry about what other people in class are doing, that yoga isn't a competitive exercise but instead about our own experience. It doesn't matter if someone else can stretch further or hold a pose longer, what's important is doing your best.

That principle applies off the mat as well. This week I had to take a timed test in the same room as about a dozen other people. As I tried to focus on the directions and create a strategy for tackling each assignment, I found myself distracted by the actions of my fellow test-takers. Are they already typing? Should I be further along? Are they already finished? Am I taking too long?

When I left, I was afraid that focusing too much on what someone else was doing had prevented me from doing my very best. In competitive situations, the only variable I control is me and I have to remember that.

I smiled reading through my aunt's contribution when I saw that she learned this same lesson when she was 35.

Your name (first name and last initial) Kristen F. S.

What year did you turn 35? 1985

Where were you living then? Glendale, California

What were you doing then? I had decided to be a stay-at-home mom. I had two young sons, ages 5 and 2, and was pregnant with my third child (who, thankfully, was a girl).

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? It was a huge decision for me to not continue with my career at that time. I have a master's degree in gerontology and had achieved a fairly high level of success working in long-term care communities. I felt that I had a very special gift for working with older people. With our second child, my plan was to just take a few years off. Finding good daycare was difficult and I wanted to provide the absolute best for my children. But when we had our "surprise" third child, I knew in my heart that I could not do my best at work and at home, and I always wanted to do my best, so I began my fulfilling but sometimes frustrating journey of raising children for several years. Professional endeavors were as a volunteer.

What major events happened in the world that year? As you might imagine, with three young children, world events were not foremost on my mind, so I had to go to Wikipedia to research major events for 1985. And guess what?? In 1985, there were multiple terrorist attacks (in Northern Ireland and in the Mideast), several airplane crashes, a huge spy scandal—sound familiar??—and it was the second inauguration of Mr. Ronald Reagan. Guess it doesn't matter who is president. Oh, and the big technology advancement was the introduction of the video game Tetris. Have you heard of that?

What are your favorite memories of being 35? It may be hard to believe, but my absolute favorite memory of being 35 is that I was pregnant. I was one of the lucky women who didn't have morning sickness, didn't gain more than the appropriate amount of weight and actually looked quite pretty. I know—obnoxious! But the reason that this is my favorite memory is that people are SO nice to you when you are pregnant, not just friends and relatives, but people at the grocery store, at all errands-related locations and on the street. I remember smiles, offers of help, compliments—what could be better? I guess I should also mention that my two little boys were challenging—but very cute—another nice memory.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? What I liked best about being 35 is that I no longer compared myself to other people. I grew up with a feeling of always having to live up to my older sisters. In school, I was always striving to do as well as the smartest people in the class. At work, I was trying to prove that I was worthy of the opportunities that were offered to me. Somehow, by 35, I was released from those constant comparisons and was just happy to be myself.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Although I no longer compared myself to others, I did still have an element of self-doubt—my own self-imposed burden. For this reason, I decided to not return to my career for several years—not even part-time—because I didn't believe that I could raise three kids and excel at work at the same time.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I learned patience, sacrifice, perseverance, creativity and unconditional love.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I don't think I really had any particular expectations or attitudes about being 35. One lesson that I had already learned in my studies of gerontology is that chronological age is not really that important. How you are living your life is all that matters.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? I guess I was somewhat surprised that we were having a third child—I was never someone who planned when I would marry, how many kids I would have, etc. The other surprise would be (in hindsight) that being 35 was not surprising—it was just another year with multiple opportunities to live life well.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would definitely blend my life as a wife and mother with my life as a professional with reasonable expectations of both. I don't really believe in "having it all" but now I do think it would have been possible "to have some of many things." Perfection is not a healthy goal.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? Don't focus on your age. Focus on your strengths, your personal well-being and your dreams. It doesn't matter what our society thinks you should be doing—it only matters that you are doing what you want to do.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? The only other words I want to share (again, hindsight) is that if you are focusing on being 35, know this—you are so young!! And you have decades ahead of you to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams! Enjoy the journey!!