Life on Hold

I started listening to Loveline again a few months ago. That show was nightly listening for me throughout high school and into college, and it's interesting to hear so many years later that the show really hasn't changed so much and that kids are still facing the same problems.

One new part of the show is the "Open Forum," where listeners share their opinion on a nightly topic. The topic the other night was if you'd rather put love or your career on hold. The answers were pretty mixed, though most said they'd choose one or the other.

At this point, I wouldn't choose one over the other. I've spent my life thinking I have an infinity in front of me, that I had as much time as I needed to do what I wanted to, to try what I wanted to, to be who I wanted to. Having three grandparents in their 90s has definitely helped that feeling along, "I have 80, 70, 60 … years ahead of me. Why rush?"

If you put any part of your life on hold, you may not have enough time to go back and take it off hold. You may get so far behind, you can't catch up. Or, at least you'll feel like you can't.

Putting this project together has several goals for me, to remind me of the finite nature of our time in this world (though not of time itself, which is truly infinite) and to also encourage me to make the most of the time I do have. To do that, I know I can't put anything on hold.

I've gotten a few people working on the questionnaire I've created, and have started asking more people if they'd like to complete one. I hope to be posting them here shortly. The questionnaire I've created is below. Please get in touch if you'd like to contribute.

What year did you turn 35?
Where were you living then?
What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)?
What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)?
What major events happened in the world that year?
What are your favorite memories of being 35?
What did you like best about yourself at that age?
What did you like least about yourself at that age?
What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age?
What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35?
What was the most surprising thing about being 35?
If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?
What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women?
Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35?

Counting Down

I turn 35 in six weeks. I don't lie about my age or get too hung up on it, usually, but turning 35 feels like a pretty big deal, maybe even a bigger deal than turning 30 was.

When I was younger, I didn't map my life out perfectly, intending to check off certain accomplishments at certain times, but I'm confident in the knowledge that the reality of my life at nearly 35 is nothing like the life I imagined for myself when I was 18 or 22 or 30. I've made strides in certain areas and fallen far short in others, which I guess to be the case for all of us, though I'd like for my successes to outweigh my shortcomings.

That's where "What Is 35?" comes in. Knowing that my birthday is just around the corner, I felt like I wanted to do something to set me on the right path for what's next. I know I'm not going to become the model adult in the next six weeks, or even in the next year and six weeks, but I'd like to feel better about myself and my life on the eve of my 36th birthday than I do on the eve of my 35th. How can I do that?

I truly believe in the benefits of learning from the experiences and examples of others, it's why I went to college, take yoga, read and generally try to absorb as much wisdom and advice as possible. Over the next year, I'll be interviewing as many woman as I can about their experiences being 35. I'm starting with family and friends but hope this project will take on a life of its own and that I'll be able to share the stories of as wide a range of women as possible. I may even get a man or two to weigh in.

I'm excited to see how this turns out.