'You Find, You Get What You Need'

One of my favorite Fall Out Boy lyrics is the "Hum Hallelujah" line, "I could write it better than you ever felt it." I believe that sentiment whole-heartedly, that a line from a song, poem, book, play, movie or TV show can perfectly sum up whatever you're going through.

When my aunt died suddenly a few years ago, it took a while for me to process the loss. On the drive home one day, I was listening to Madonna's fantastic "American Life." The song "X-Static Process" helped me sort through so many feelings in just a few bars. I pulled over to the side of the road, finally able to let it all out.

For the past few days, I've been mulling through the possibility of a big life change. I've tried to be logical about the whole thing, not wanting to get wound up or depressed before I had all the information. Even as I got more details, I still tried to keep my feelings under control.

A few nights ago, The Rolling Stones undid that calm, collected, contained control I'd been trying so hard to maintain.

I've heard The Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" hundreds of times in my 35 years. Its chorus is a somewhat jokey motto in my family; it's inclusion in "The Big Chill" makes me think ours is not the only one to have adopted it.

I'd been frustrated with the radio in the final stretch of my long journey home. I flipped and scanned, stopping when I heard the familiar boys' choir singing Mick and Keith's words. I pulled to the side of the little road I was on and broke down. It finally set in—I'm losing my job.

Over the past 10 years, I've seen so many talented, dedicated, hard-working people shown the door that I've understood the uncertainty of my job, or any job, for that matter. I've routinely mapped out the different paths I could take if the bankers' box ever appeared on my desk.

That history hasn't made this easier, hasn't eased all the questions and doubts. At this point, I have no answers, just a little question mark wondering when I will get what it is I need out of this experience.