'10 Years!'

A few weeks ago I wrote about running into a former editor who agreed to contribute to "What Is 35?" This week's entry is also the result of a reunion with a former coworker, this time online.

Michelle recently wrote an incredible piece for The How To Issue called "How to Laugh in the Face of Envy in Four Steps" that everyone should read. I was introduced to the post thanks to a common friend and decided Michelle, with her talent, voice and insights, would be an ideal person to contribute to this blog.

I'm very grateful that she said yes.

This is what Michelle reports on her post-35 life:
"My mother-in-law—a truly wonderful, fiery and beautiful woman—passed away. My daughter started preschool. I got a front cover author credit on an art instruction book sold in major bookstores. Johnny Marr replied to me on Twitter."

Your name Michelle P.

What year did you turn 35? 2010

Where were you living then? I resided in the same city as now—Long Beach, California.

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? My daughter had just turned 2 years old and wasn't yet in preschool, so I was home tending to her every day, working on the odd freelance job in book publishing at night, and putting the finishing touches on my M.A. thesis whenever possible.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? I finally completed my M.A. in history, which began as a personal enrichment mission seven years prior. I know ... I know. Reading more challenging books at the library probably would have sufficed.

What major events happened in the world that year? I had to look this up, to be honest. Although I remember the specific incidents well, life's chronology until two hours ago is completely hazy. Unfortunately, no shortage of natural disasters, catastrophes and near catastrophes caused by humans, the withdrawal of combat troops from Iraq, WikiLeaks and the rise of Apolo Ohno.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Regardless of the fact that I completed my thesis in the final hour, I won the CSULB College of Liberal Arts' Outstanding Thesis Award, which was both surprising and tremendously gratifying. Because the months preceding that were excruciating, I think I've blocked them out.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I suppose my ability to see things through was really put to the test that year. I toyed with throwing seven years of reading extremely large books and writing 30-page papers down the drain on many occasions because balancing the care of a rambunctious 2-year-old with writing something worthwhile and living life somewhere in between was proving difficult. So, with much encouragement from friends and professors, I stuck it out, and it paid off. It was at 35, after all that madness, that I realized what my dad always told me is true: "You just take your sweet time doing things, but when you do them, they're usually pretty good."

What did you like least about yourself at that age? I think 35 is when I finally started to feel *not* 25, and I didn't like that at all. I still don't. If I can recall, I was prone to bouts of ennui following two years of motherhood, no steady work and few opportunities for fun and travel; and believe me, that's no fun for anyone.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? The aforementioned realization that good things do, in fact, happen to me, but sometimes they simply take a while finally struck. Also, with regard to my immediate family life, it dawned on me that I'm not the only one who feels things. I'm tired? Well, perhaps my husband's tired, but he doesn't whimper as much. My daughter's high-pitched squeals can drive me to the brink of insanity, but she probably doesn't enjoy listening to The Smiths as much as I like to believe she does. That kind of thing.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? At 21, I certainly thought I'd have it together by 35. The package deal should have included a husband, at least one child, a nice car, maybe a house, a mid-career title and yearly vacations. I have a few of those things, but my definition of "together" has evolved—or devolved, depending on how you define it. Now it just means "not ill or irreversibly unhappy."

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? Despite what I said above, getting carded at 35 was pretty great. It was also surprising that I wasn't chained to a desk, although money does have its upside.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would've cleaned less and written more. I probably could've had a book done by now.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? I would suggest doing your best work in your professional and personal life, and hope for the best. Deserving people don't always get the big bucks or acclaim, but at least you know for yourself that did what you were supposed to do and you did it well. Also, do your best not to embrace negativity. It's so ingrained in our social media-driven culture that it's barely discernible at this point, but there's enough snark and gossip to go around; we don't need to contribute more. There are plenty of other ways to be funny. That's all I've got. I should add that my doctor advises you to take your calcium.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? There's not much else except that at 35, there's no denying adulthood, especially if you have a spouse, kids, numerous financial obligations and logistical nightmares to deal with day in and day out. If you don't have those things, I'm all for denying it as long as you can.