'…There Is a Season'

Last week I learned that I would be losing my job. I've had time to process that development, think about what I'm going to do next, and have been inundated with kind words, hugs, pats on the shoulder, high-fives and more generous outpouring than I can properly describe.

I will always appreciate it.

While dealing with this news, I got this week's questionnaire back from Charlotte, a former coworker who was laid off when she was 35. As many times as I've heard that this happened for a reason and that things will get better, I definitely appreciated hearing from someone who, four years later, is living proof.

Your name Charlotte J.

What year did you turn 35? 2008

Where were you living then? California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Married with no children, and working super long hours at my job.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? That year was not my happiest. In short: We had a death in the family (my father-in-law). I got laid off. I had to look for a new job in the midst of the Great Recession. But it wasn't all bad: That was the year we decided (finally—and after seven years of marriage), "Let's have a baby!"

What major events happened in the world that year? Two memorable events come to mind: President Obama won his first term in office, and the US Airways plane landed on the Hudson.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? First, losing my job—a definite highlight of my life (fast forward two questions for the reason why). Financial worries aside, I will always remember the absolute, unbounded joy bursting from my heart as I left that building for the last time: I felt free. I also traveled overseas for the second time—at first we thought of cancelling, since I had just lost my job and we were so used to living on two incomes, but the tickets were paid for so we went anyway. My husband and I shared an amazing vacation, just the two of us in my favorite place, even though we were grappling with the realization that starting a family wasn't going to happen in a "pinch" just because we wanted a baby. It was going to be a scary and exhilarating rollercoaster with some major ups and downs. Lastly, the year I was 35, we also adopted a kitten who has grown into a wonderfully sensitive, hilarious, cuddly and sweet tomcat.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I felt strong and focused. The layoff allowed me to really live each day with purpose and not feel trapped in a negative corporate situation. I was able to take on more freelance business and work on my novel. I could spend more hours helping my sister build her amazing business. I made it a point to visit my out-of-town family for longer stretches of time than I ever could before. I could go to the beach for inspiration at 2 p.m. on a weekday. And when my doctor suggested IVF for me because of my age, I knew deep inside that route wasn't for me. Of course everyone is different, but I trusted my intuition and wanted to give it a couple more years on my terms. I wasn't in this enormous rush to have a baby, and I truly felt deep within that it would happen if I just relaxed and "let be."

What did you like least about yourself at that age? When I turned 35, I was unhappy in my career despite a big promotion. The job that I once enjoyed had evolved under new management and turned into a toxic work environment. I wasn't happy there anymore and needed a change. That was a difficult time for me, and I was incredibly stressed.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? The lesson that… you should never be emotionally attached to your job. Unless you own your own business, someone else is in charge of your destiny, and it doesn't necessarily matter how hard you work or your level of dedication.
The lesson of … patience. Well-meaning friends and family, and even doctors can make you feel like something is wrong if you don't pop out a baby a year after "starting." Not allowing this to get to me despite certain challenges allowed me to live my life, be happy, and just enjoy this time without feeling pressured or letting it darken my psyche.
The lesson of … cherishing today. We all know this, but sometimes we forget. My father-in-law died that January after Christmas. We had all just gathered in the Midwest for the holidays (despite me complaining to my husband, "I'm too stressed to pull this trip off! Let's go next year instead!"). I am SO HAPPY my husband gently convinced me to keep our commitment and go. It was fun, family bonding time—and was also the last time I saw my husband's father alive. Just a few weeks later we were meeting up in a foreign country, working with the U.S. consulate to bring his remains home.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I didn't realize how young inside I would still feel. As a teenager, I thought 30 was "old." Thirty-five was even worse—ancient and middle aged—you don't know what's on the top 40 music charts anymore (not true! … well, pretty much). I thought that "mom jeans" and Reeboks would be wardrobe staples. I thought I'd have a teenager by 35; instead I was just starting!

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? The age itself didn't surprise me, but I was surprised to face so many setbacks in one year. There were some dark days. The good thing, which isn't all that surprising, is that eventually things (usually) will get better. And they did.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? It would be nice to tell myself and trust, "It will all work out."

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? To make your personal goals happen and don't wait. If you want to travel but feel like you can't, there are creative ways to make it happen. If you want a baby, consider all your options and don't put it off too long if at all possible. At 35 you still feel like you have so much time … but it slips away quickly. Of course everyone is different, but it took me more than three years from "Let's have a baby!" to actually hearing his first adorable cries in the delivery room. And don't obsess over aging! I tell myself all the time: You will never be as young as you are today. Someday, when you actually are old, you will look back at being 35 (or 40, or even 50) and you will know that you truly were still young (ish) and you looked great. Aging is a gift to be cherished … especially when compared to the alternative. A friend recently told me to think of wrinkles as reminders of all the times I have laughed in my life. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I find humor all around me and laugh A LOT!

'You Find, You Get What You Need'

One of my favorite Fall Out Boy lyrics is the "Hum Hallelujah" line, "I could write it better than you ever felt it." I believe that sentiment whole-heartedly, that a line from a song, poem, book, play, movie or TV show can perfectly sum up whatever you're going through.

When my aunt died suddenly a few years ago, it took a while for me to process the loss. On the drive home one day, I was listening to Madonna's fantastic "American Life." The song "X-Static Process" helped me sort through so many feelings in just a few bars. I pulled over to the side of the road, finally able to let it all out.

For the past few days, I've been mulling through the possibility of a big life change. I've tried to be logical about the whole thing, not wanting to get wound up or depressed before I had all the information. Even as I got more details, I still tried to keep my feelings under control.

A few nights ago, The Rolling Stones undid that calm, collected, contained control I'd been trying so hard to maintain.

I've heard The Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" hundreds of times in my 35 years. Its chorus is a somewhat jokey motto in my family; it's inclusion in "The Big Chill" makes me think ours is not the only one to have adopted it.

I'd been frustrated with the radio in the final stretch of my long journey home. I flipped and scanned, stopping when I heard the familiar boys' choir singing Mick and Keith's words. I pulled to the side of the little road I was on and broke down. It finally set in—I'm losing my job.

Over the past 10 years, I've seen so many talented, dedicated, hard-working people shown the door that I've understood the uncertainty of my job, or any job, for that matter. I've routinely mapped out the different paths I could take if the bankers' box ever appeared on my desk.

That history hasn't made this easier, hasn't eased all the questions and doubts. At this point, I have no answers, just a little question mark wondering when I will get what it is I need out of this experience.

'It's Easy'

I've written on my other blog a bit about the impact The Beatles has had on my life. Like so many people my age, I was raised on the band's music, movies and ideals, and have come to regard John, Paul, George and Ringo almost as family members.

The music of The Beatles is comfortable and familiar. It's consoled me. It's encouraged me. It's entertained me. It's inspired me. The songs are sentimental, powerful, spiritual, universal, personal, optimistic, dangerous, sullen, silly. The songs hold within them a million stories, a unique memory for each listener, and because of those connections Beatles lyrics have become mottos and philosophies.

The greatest theme in Beatles' songs is love. The Cirque du Soleil tribute to the band is called "LOVE" because that word appears in Beatles' lyrics more than any other. Over the course of its short recording career, the band explored love in its many forms, from the personal to the universal, the romantic to the spiritual.

Aside from the fact that the band wrote such incredible music, maybe it's this focus on love that has kept the songs spinning for nearly five decades, and will keep them in heavy rotation for decades more.

"All You Need Is Love" is, for me, the pinnacle. It's such a beautiful and honest song, optimistic and introspective. It's a song I gave to my niece and nephew when they were born. It's a song that keeps teaching me lessons, and probably always will.

Saying "all you need is love" is a trite but absolutely true. The longer I live, the more I understand how powerful and essential love is, love for others and, as importantly, love for yourself. It multiplies and expands and, if you let, can envelop your whole world.

Though I know this to be true, it's so hard to live it, so hard to really take it in, let it take over. Those moments that I do, though, I feel invincible.

'Everly, Misery'

I've made my plans for New Year's Eve and started thinking about New Year's resolutions. Should I even bother? I did think for a bit about what I could reasonably commit to doing (or not doing) in 2013 that would have a positive impact on my life, make me feel accomplished or, at the very least, bring a little happiness this way.

My resolution for 2013 is I will see Morrissey in concert.

I know that buying tickets for Morrissey's makeup (and possible farewell) concert in March won't really get me anywhere closer to finding the solutions for all the problems that mash around in my head day and night. It will, however, be another possibly magical experience I can look back on from time to time.

Even if it's something as seemingly inconsequential as a concert, it's good to take advantage of opportunities and have new experiences whenever possible. I find Morrissey endlessly fascinating and it's a not-so-secret fantasy of mine to have an audience with this great man. The chances of that happening for me, a mere mortal, and carnivore at that, is slim to none, so being in a room with him, surrounded by a few thousand of the faithful feels like something I shouldn't pass up, so I won't.

(Side Note: OK, so I don't actually believe that concerts are inconsequential, sure, going to a concert isn't as high on the priority chain as going to work, taking care of your children, eating, sleeping and all that, but there have been moments when a show, or just the idea of a show, feels that important to me.)

I know I'll come up with some real resolutions over the next few weeks, imagining a more perfect version of myself who could exist in the new year, a time made up entirely of possibilities. To be her, I'll only need to make a few hundred tiny, and not-so-tiny, changes. If all that fails, if I fall back into back habits, or even pick up a few new ones, I can at least console myself at the concert.

'Never Stop Reading This!'

On Tuesday's episode of "New Girl," Jess and CeCe took a test to see how many eggs they had left and how much time they had to start families. Thank you, universe, for bringing up this topic yet again.

I pretty much said all I really need to say about all that two weeks ago, so, thankfully, another plot point in the episode struck a chord with me as well.

Nick has regularly been struggling with his quarter-life crisis on the show. In Tuesday's episode, pushed by the success his lifelong friend Winston has found at work, Nick decides he's going to finally write his zombie novel. Unfortunately, Nick isn't a finisher—he didn't finish law school and Winston's confident he won't finish the zombie novel either.

After a drunken visit to the zoo (Nick's attempt at a Hemmingway-esque adventure), he does pound out the zombie novel, which is terrible, and dedicates it to Winston, who does an incredible read for all the roommates.

Even though it's terrible, Nick's zombie novel is an accomplishment I can relate to. I'm more of an idea person than a follow-through person. I have millions of plots and schemes and, sadly, very little to show for any of it. Lately, though, I've made some progress.

On my other blog I started a project earlier this year where I would listen to every CD I own in order and, nearly eight months later, I'm nearly done. It only took me six months to get started, and at times seemed impossible that I would get through all 346 CDs, but I'm doing it.

At work, I pitched a somewhat involved feature story for our December issue that's currently in the production process. I found the people to interview, made the calls, did the research, gathered the art and wrote it, and it's pretty good.

These are very small victories, but victories nonetheless. Like Nick's zombie novel, I know seeing these projects through to the end won't magically make everything in my life perfect, but they're both setting me on a path where I know I can turn more ideas into reality.

'That's the Word, Tom's a Bird'

The end of the year lends itself to reflection. What did I do? What didn't I do? What should I have done? What would I do differently? I think it's always better to reflect on what you have rather than what you don't have, your achievements rather than your failings.

Thanksgiving is the holiday for taking that sunnier look at yourself. Regardless of how often I feel frustrated, unaccomplished, stymied, uninspired or lackluster in anyway, I know that my life is filled with an overwhelming amount of blessings.

For that, I'm truly grateful.

'It's All Part of God's Plan'

You know how when you buy a new car, you start seeing your car everywhere? Is it that there's suddenly more of that type of car out on the road, the increase somehow spurred on by your purchase decision, or is the same amount of that car in the world as always but it's just that you're noticing the make more?

I've had similar experiences with interests, thoughts, concerns and so forth, where a certain topic on my mind springs up all around me. Lately it's been the question of having children or not having children. Maybe it's the election, maybe it's my age, maybe it's just all a big coincidence, but the talk feels like it's everywhere.

On several occasions, I got sucked into the recent season finale of "Keeping up With the Kardashians," watching the three oldest sisters deal with their family planning issues—Kourtney gives birth to her second child, Kim considers freezing her eggs and Khloe learns why she hasn't gotten pregnant after more than two years of trying (and looks to gets very little sympathy from her family over the news).

Over the weekend, The Huffington Post featured a blog posting from Iman where she shared that her 34-year-old daughter, Zulekha Haywood (who wrote this great article for Glamour two years ago about being the plus-sized daughter of one of the most famously beautiful women in the world), is considering freezing her eggs, delaying motherhood until she's in a more stable position in her career, finances and everywhere else. (The first part of the article is really touching but it goes off in so many directions about health care reform and politics and such that the original point—a daughter discussing a life-altering decision with her mother—is muddied.)

The Style Network's Sunday "Sex and the City" marathon featured an episode from the final season where Carrie has the tough talk about the future with her new, older, super-glamorous, globe-trotting boyfriend Aleksandr. He had one child and didn't want more. She wasn't sure if she did want any but wasn't quite sure if she didn't want children either. He pointed out that she was 38 and probably should have had all this figured out since time definitely wasn't on her side.

Last night on "The Mindy Project," successful 32-year-old OB/GYN Mindy is getting an examination from another doctor in her practice. He asks her if she plans to have children and she responds that of course she is, four, and she's already picked out their "Gossip Girl"-esque names. He immediately sets about bursting her bubble, mapping out a future where it will be at least 12 years before she's in a stable enough relationship to even think about having kids, and, really, how realistic is having the first of four kids at 44?

I didn't get any clarity from these little messages making their way from the screen into my brain, but they're just a few more pushes telling me that even if I don't have a solution, I should at least be considering the question. Is this something that I want? Am I sure? And if I'm sure, what am I doing to make it happen?

I'm still at a bit of a loss on all three questions. I know that being an aunt has been one of the greatest gifts of my life and that being a mom would explode that feeling infinitely. But what if it doesn't happen? What if it's just not meant to be? What if I missed my chance? What if, for a million reasons, I can't? Will I be OK with that?

I'm not ready to throw in the towel and I'm also not brave enough to say that, yes, this is what I want. In the meantime, I'll keep filtering in all the articles and storylines and People magazine covers, and I'll continue to feel sympathy for Khloe Kardashian-Odom as she struggles with infertility for a national TV audience.

'If You Want to Master Something, Teach It'

When I first started thinking about this "What Is 35?" project, I did online searches to see if anyone else had done what I was planning to do. Though I didn't see anyone else interviewing people about their experiences of being 35, I did find one blog, "Starting My Life at 35", that was tackling many of the same issues swishing around in my brain.

In this blog, which its creator started three years ago and has maintained to the present, the creator talks about the big changes and risks she was planning to take in her life at the age of 35. Reading through her earliest posts, I admired how brave she was to not only admit that her life wasn't completely hitting her expectations but that she was also willing to lay out her goals before the universe, ready to take the feedback (anonymous, though it may be) if it didn't work or she didn't try.

I've been thinking about what I want to accomplish in my life this year and beyond. Some of it I'm still formulating and other bits I'm not ready to say out loud yet. One thing I've been contemplating for a few years and am now confident in saying yes to is taking yoga teachers training.

Last week I wrote a bit about my Kundalini yoga practice. Like so many disciplines, in yoga students have the opportunity to become teachers. Even at this point, I'm not sure if I want to be a yoga teacher but the idea of making an in-depth study into something I enjoy so much and feel so much benefit from is really appealing.

When my practice was at its strongest a few years ago, teachers training was a somewhat fuzzy concept to me. I knew people who were going through the program and thought it was an interesting option, but I didn't consider the following steps of what it would mean or take to participate myself.

As I've returned to my practice over the past few months, countless classmates and teachers have asked if I've taken teachers training. The first few times I said no, the subject was dropped, then one time a classmate confidently responded, "You will."

These many months, many asks and many confirmations later, I've decided to accept this challenge from the universe and am committing myself to taking teachers training in 2013. This will be a sizable commitment but I really feel I'm ready to give it my all now.

Bountiful, Blissful, Beautiful

In 2000, I decided it was time to turn my curiosity about yoga into a yoga practice and investigated the studios in my area. I didn't know about the different types of yoga so was completely open to any class I could find.

Of all the calls I made and e-mails I sent, I only heard back from one studio. I read its schedule and the description of its classes, which were designed to increase flexibility, improve energy flow and promote relaxation. It sounded perfect.

I took my first class in January. From the moment I stepped into the room and took my place on the carpet, I knew I'd made the right decision—that yoga studio and the Kundalini practice were for me.

I met Nelann through my yoga practice. She's one of my teachers and has been a great example to me of the benefits a dedicated practice can reap.

Since she turned 35, Nelann worked hard and retired after 38 years at Albertsons. She also started teaching Kundalini Yoga, which she reports "has changed my life in all aspects."

Your name Nelann G.

What year did you turn 35? 1985

Where were you living then? Arcadia, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? I was working at Albertsons Inc. and interpreting for hearing impaired.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? Got a position at Centralia School District mainstreaming deaf children in regular classrooms. Very rewarding!

What major events happened in the world that year? I think the eruption of Mt Saint Helens.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? It was a good time in my life. Very happy.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? Life is beginning and feeling mature.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? My son was a teenager and it was a few crazy years.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? Live life to the fullest. Family is very important.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? My body was changing I had to get a hysterectomy and wanted to have a child. Sad.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? No surprises.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Really work hard at my relationship with husband.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Be real and enjoy life to the fullest.

'I like you, very much. Just as you are.'

I'm not a "My So-Called Life" super-fan, but there are moments from the show that have stuck with me over the year. One that I've been thinking about lately is in the episode "The Zit" when Angela is supposed to do a fashion show with her mom, Patty, but, thanks to the zit in question and the general malaise associated with being a 15-year-old girl, Angela doesn't want to participate.

In the episode's climax, Angela has a heart-to-heart with her mom and asks her what it was like to be so pretty when she was younger. Patty responds, "I just wish that I'd been able to enjoy it."

Of course, Patty was still pretty, with her pixie haircut and sharp features, but she didn't feel as pretty as she had been in her moment, whenever that was. When I watched the show as a teenager, that idea of having a certain time in your life when you were at your absolute best, and then not even realizing it or being able to enjoy it, really struck me. Now that I'm closer to Patty's age than Angela's, it still does.

Did I have that moment, that day, that week, whatever, when I was my absolute best? If I did, I missed it because I have no recollection of it. Was I working late that day? Did I oversleep? Was I bogged down in a big project? What kept me from making the most of it?

Life is littered with missed opportunities and, for too many of us, the opportunity to truly appreciate and accept ourselves is one of those. "I'd be great if I had a different haircut, bigger boobs, longer legs, a smaller nose, fuller lips …" Those fixes are rarely the answer, so we'll find something else to fixate on.

All of this picking and fixating is so terrible, and it keeps us from truly loving and appreciating ourselves as we are. Rivers Cuomo sings, "One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink" in Weezer's "Pork & Beans." I want to be that person.

Having this I'm-great-just-the-way-I-am attitude can be an excuse to be lazy. I do have to be more accepting of myself but I also have to walk more and go to that early Sunday yoga class and, despite it being one of the greatest things in life, I don't need to drink Coke probably ever.

The attitude I'm developing for myself is "I'm great and getting better." I don't want to pick myself into complete melancholic paralysis but also don't want to settle for being a so-so version of myself. I want to be strong, confident and happy enough to recognize and enjoy whatever awaits.

'10 Years!'

A few weeks ago I wrote about running into a former editor who agreed to contribute to "What Is 35?" This week's entry is also the result of a reunion with a former coworker, this time online.

Michelle recently wrote an incredible piece for The How To Issue called "How to Laugh in the Face of Envy in Four Steps" that everyone should read. I was introduced to the post thanks to a common friend and decided Michelle, with her talent, voice and insights, would be an ideal person to contribute to this blog.

I'm very grateful that she said yes.

This is what Michelle reports on her post-35 life:
"My mother-in-law—a truly wonderful, fiery and beautiful woman—passed away. My daughter started preschool. I got a front cover author credit on an art instruction book sold in major bookstores. Johnny Marr replied to me on Twitter."

Your name Michelle P.

What year did you turn 35? 2010

Where were you living then? I resided in the same city as now—Long Beach, California.

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? My daughter had just turned 2 years old and wasn't yet in preschool, so I was home tending to her every day, working on the odd freelance job in book publishing at night, and putting the finishing touches on my M.A. thesis whenever possible.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? I finally completed my M.A. in history, which began as a personal enrichment mission seven years prior. I know ... I know. Reading more challenging books at the library probably would have sufficed.

What major events happened in the world that year? I had to look this up, to be honest. Although I remember the specific incidents well, life's chronology until two hours ago is completely hazy. Unfortunately, no shortage of natural disasters, catastrophes and near catastrophes caused by humans, the withdrawal of combat troops from Iraq, WikiLeaks and the rise of Apolo Ohno.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Regardless of the fact that I completed my thesis in the final hour, I won the CSULB College of Liberal Arts' Outstanding Thesis Award, which was both surprising and tremendously gratifying. Because the months preceding that were excruciating, I think I've blocked them out.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I suppose my ability to see things through was really put to the test that year. I toyed with throwing seven years of reading extremely large books and writing 30-page papers down the drain on many occasions because balancing the care of a rambunctious 2-year-old with writing something worthwhile and living life somewhere in between was proving difficult. So, with much encouragement from friends and professors, I stuck it out, and it paid off. It was at 35, after all that madness, that I realized what my dad always told me is true: "You just take your sweet time doing things, but when you do them, they're usually pretty good."

What did you like least about yourself at that age? I think 35 is when I finally started to feel *not* 25, and I didn't like that at all. I still don't. If I can recall, I was prone to bouts of ennui following two years of motherhood, no steady work and few opportunities for fun and travel; and believe me, that's no fun for anyone.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? The aforementioned realization that good things do, in fact, happen to me, but sometimes they simply take a while finally struck. Also, with regard to my immediate family life, it dawned on me that I'm not the only one who feels things. I'm tired? Well, perhaps my husband's tired, but he doesn't whimper as much. My daughter's high-pitched squeals can drive me to the brink of insanity, but she probably doesn't enjoy listening to The Smiths as much as I like to believe she does. That kind of thing.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? At 21, I certainly thought I'd have it together by 35. The package deal should have included a husband, at least one child, a nice car, maybe a house, a mid-career title and yearly vacations. I have a few of those things, but my definition of "together" has evolved—or devolved, depending on how you define it. Now it just means "not ill or irreversibly unhappy."

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? Despite what I said above, getting carded at 35 was pretty great. It was also surprising that I wasn't chained to a desk, although money does have its upside.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would've cleaned less and written more. I probably could've had a book done by now.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? I would suggest doing your best work in your professional and personal life, and hope for the best. Deserving people don't always get the big bucks or acclaim, but at least you know for yourself that did what you were supposed to do and you did it well. Also, do your best not to embrace negativity. It's so ingrained in our social media-driven culture that it's barely discernible at this point, but there's enough snark and gossip to go around; we don't need to contribute more. There are plenty of other ways to be funny. That's all I've got. I should add that my doctor advises you to take your calcium.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? There's not much else except that at 35, there's no denying adulthood, especially if you have a spouse, kids, numerous financial obligations and logistical nightmares to deal with day in and day out. If you don't have those things, I'm all for denying it as long as you can.

'I'm Never Really Ready'

I started a project for my other blog earlier this year where I've been listening to every CD in my collection in order. This week, I'm listening to my John Mayer CDs, which is somewhat fortuitous considering he turned 35 yesterday. If I knew how, I'd send him a questionnaire in 364 days.

I don't have one all-time-favorite John Mayer song but many, many contenders, one of which is "In Repair," featuring the line I used for this week's post title. I was listening to that song last night when I was thinking about what my friend Ethan, the first man to contribute to this site, wrote about being 35.

As you'll read below, Ethan suffered two terrible losses when he turned 35, losses he wasn't prepared for but dealt with better than he probably imagined he could. I think that's such an important part of growing up, building the strength and the smarts to do or say the right thing at the right time even if we're not sure we can.

Since he turned 35, Ethan began the process of opening his own law office. His younger sister became the first person on his dad's side, and only the second person in his entire family, to go from high school straight to a four-year university. She's now in her third year and Ethan said, "Words cannot describe how proud I am of her."

He served as the "maid of honor" at the wedding of one of his best friends, which he said was one of the happiest of most wonderful days of his life. Ethan also saw his fifth U2 tour on which he attended his 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th and 17th shows by the band, more than any other band or artist he's ever followed.

Your name (first name and last initial) Ethan Y.

What year did you turn 35? 2009

Where were you living then? The first part of the year I lived in Orange County [,California]. Three weeks after I turned 35, I moved away from Orange County for the first time in my adult life. OK, so really I only moved just up the 405 to Long Beach, but still . . .

What were you doing then? Professionally? I was an unemployed lawyer scraping through the recession and holding on for dear life. Emotionally? Well, kind of the same—except redact "an unemployed lawyer" and instead of "the recession," insert "death". Physically? I got a white hair in my left eyebrow. I should have never plucked it!

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? For me, 35 was overshadowed and all encompassed by the death of both of my paternal grandparents; the first, my Grandpa, passed away just nine days after my 35th birthday, and then my Grandma followed him, seven months and two hours after the day my Grandpa passed on. They were the only two people I ever really considered my Grandpa and Grandma. I am sure some other stuff happened to me that year, but it all pretty much falls by the wayside in comparison.

What major events happened in the world that year? Earthquake in Haiti, tsunami in Chile, BP Gulf oil spill, Winter Olympics (which I did not watch), the Wikileaks scandal (which I found fascinating) and Greece's economy nearly collapsed after being downgraded by the S&P to "junk." Do we ever remember anything good and happy in world events?

What are your favorite memories of being 35? What stands out most in my mind is how my "Y." family banded together during crisis and loss. I had an immense sense of "family" that year, even though we lost the patriarch and matriarch of our family. And, I must say, I'm quite proud of my family for coming together and looking out for each other and not being one of those families at the ready to jump into the blood arena at the mere scent of impending death.
In between nadirs of sadness, I did get an outer rail spot to U2 360 in Vegas and was mere feet away from my lifelong hero, Bono. I also got into the inner circle—and almost into some fisticuffs—at the (crazy!) Rose Bowl show. I stood on the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time. I went to Portland for the first time (and Powell Books—ah-mazing!). And, I had a really great weekend at Long Beach GLBT Pride with a boy I liked and my roommates—lots and lots of fun . . . in all different volumetric sizes.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? A couple things. One being that I felt like, through our family tragedy, I rose to the occasion as a good son, brother, nephew, cousin and grandson. I felt, really for the first time, like a man. The sadness and grief dealt to my Dad and my Aunt challenged me to be strong and be supportive, a buttress for my family; and I feel that I performed those responsibilities quite well. Second, as hard as it was, I was still surviving and making it on my own. Recession be damned!

What did you like least about yourself at that age? My career was not as I had ever envisioned.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I felt a magnitude of loss and heartbreak that I had never experienced, ever in my life.
I felt death.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I think I had a lot of the same misconceptions as many others in my generation. I thought I would be a big, grown-up adult by the time I was 35, with a "wife" (husband), a house, kids, two dogs, a cat and a 2.5 car garage, etc., and that certainly was not the case.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? I made a lot of new friends at 35—"Blue Crack" friends and non-U2 friends. I've always made friends easily, but it was the depths of these friendships that surprised me—perhaps, because I was making friends as an adult with adults. Nonetheless, these bonds seemed stronger. These were not like the friendships of my youth.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Had I known that my visit in the hospital with my Grandpa that whole, entire day was going to be the last time I would ever spend with him alive, I would have read him my heart and clung to him for dear life. In an equal vein, in my last, articulate dialogue with my Grandma, less than 10 days before her passing, I wouldn't have held back out of fear of pointing out her rapidly failing health to her, and I would have told her that she was the most good, most pure, most devoted, most loving, best, ABSOLUTE BEST, person I ever had the privilege and honor to know in my entire 35 years of this world. To this day, I do believe that she knew how I felt, but still, I would have said it to her.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? It's almost the perfect age. You're old enough to not be young and immature, but you're still young enough to be energetic and vital. Life still has lots of surprises in store for you. As the musicians are apt to say when the muse arrives and musician and music are in perfect synchronicity: You're in the pocket.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? A eulogy on my year of death: To this day it still blows my mind how the death of his parents brought unexpected patience, understanding, and calmness to my father. He and I had always had a somewhat contentious relationship. I knew he loved me, but was never sure that he actually liked me. "Like father, like son" really ate at him. It angered him all the ways I am like him, especially in my failings and imperfections . . . and handling anger (and emotions) is probably his greatest imperfection. Instead of dealing with and letting go of his anger, he always deflected and aimed it at me. But the death of his parents rattled him to his core. Both of us were blessed and had lived our entire lives without ever experiencing loss like the loss of Grandpa and Grandma. It changed him. I believe it made him understand in a new way the value and importance of his family. He had always been there for us: provided for us, cared for us, loved us. But after death, he let go of anger for us. In the few years since my Grandparents' passing, my Dad has become much softer, more mellow and, for him, much more affectionate. I'm sure age has played a part in the mellowing of his stormy seas, but I think the greater affecting factor was the loss of his parents. I still marvel at how much he has changed. No, he's not all the way there, and I think he will always have angry seas that live inside of him, but nowadays, they're more like choppy wading pools.

'It's All Happening'

"Almost Famous" was on HBO this weekend. It had been entirely too long since I'd watched it, so it felt so good to curl up on the couch and reunite with William and Penny and Russell, Stillwater, The Band Aids and all the rest. The movie is truly fantastic—honest, sweet, funny, heartbreaking, inspiring. Very few scenes are as simply perfect as the band singing along to "Tiny Dancer" on the bus after a nearly catastrophic fight.

I started reading Rolling Stone in junior high, the magazine's interviews and reviews a definite step up from what I'd been reading in teenybopper magazines up until that point. Inspired by interviews I read in the magazine, the bands whose faces covered my bedroom walls and Patricia Kennealy Morrison's memoir "Strange Days" (which I mentioned before), I set my sights on being a rock journalist.

It was such a solid plan. I spent a year-and-a-half on the high school newspaper staff, contributed a few columns to the local newspaper and majored in journalism in college. I wrote and edited for the school paper, was a stringer for the entertainment section of another local paper, and as graduation approached, I felt confident I could get that job I dreamed of with MTV or Rolling Stone, maybe not right away, but I could build to it.

I did have an interview at MTV once. Gideon Yago got the job. I contributed reviews and interviews to online and print publications, and was the contributing editor for aU2 fansite for several years, which was probably the closest I came to living out that teenage dream.

I was one year out of college when "Almost Famous" was released and it felt like my story, or at least the story I'd craft for myself if given the power. My mouth dropped open during the following scene:

"William Miller? William, this is Ben Fong Torres, I'm the music editor at Rolling Stone magazine. We got a couple of your stories from the San Diego Door. ... Listen, I think you should be writing for us."

I turned to my companion that night and said I wanted to hear those words. Sadly, 12 years later, I never have.

I wanted that dream for most of my life. At some point, the importance of having a dependable job with health insurance, a somewhat livable salary and a 401(k) grew, as did the realization that every spring journalism schools across the country were sending junior me's out into the world and the competition would be tougher and tougher and tougher. I gave up on that dream, though I did start A Joyful Noise to be my outlet for those remaining William Miller ambitions of mine.

It does feel strange not to have a dream job anymore. Now my career ambitions are less concrete, instead of imagining myself in a certain position for a certain publication, I think about what I'd like from a job, everything from the opportunities it provides me to the contribution that job can me make in the world.

I may not be William Miller, or his true-life counterpart Cameron Crowe when I grow up, but I hope to be the best at whatever it is I'm doing.

Casting a Wider Net

I made a commitment to myself that I would update this blog once a week, generally on Wednesdays, and nearly let myself off the hook this week. Behind the scenes, I'm sending out more requests for contributions and quite a few people are working on questionnaires, which is very exciting.

I started this project with family and friends, the easier targets, but am slowly reaching out into the world at large. Most of the time now when I see someone on TV, hear a song on the radio or read an article I think, "That person would be perfect for my blog." With some persistence and well-crafted inquiries, I hope to get at least a few of those people featured on this site.

Even though I've sent requests to a few public figures, I've by no means tapped out my well of family and friends. So, if you're in my family or one of my friends (woman or man), are over 35 and I haven't yet asked you to fill out a questionnaire, I will. If you'd like to save me the plea, you can e-mail me a completed questionnaire (which can be found here). If you're a total stranger who just happened upon this site because of Twitter or some random internet search and would like to contribute, too, feel free to e-mail me at whatis35@gmail.com.

I look forward to reading and sharing all of your stories!

'The Streets Don't Change but Maybe the Name'

A recent yoga class made me think about role models. I've been blessed in my life to have a super-abundance of positive female role models, starting with my family and extending through friends, teachers, bosses, coworkers and public figures. Author Patricia Kennealy Morrison and Rolling Stone contributor Kim Neely let me know journalism was a possible career track, and my college advisor and the many editors and writers I've worked for and with helped me turn that possibility in reality.

Scanning through my list of strong female role models, from my mom to Madonna to my former manager to Hillary Clinton, it occurred to me that while my life is seemingly overflowing with female role models, I am suffering from a dearth of positive male role models. There are some, like an old boss who showed me what it takes to be a successful writer and businessperson, or my brother, with his toughness and loyalty, but I could definitely benefit from more.

What better place to cultivate more male role models than here? I've already approached one friend about being my first male contributor and will be approaching more. To that end, I've slightly altered the questionnaire:

Your name (first name and last initial)
What year did you turn 35?
Where were you living then?
What were you doing then?
What big personal milestones happened when you were 35?
What major events happened in the world that year?
What are your favorite memories of being 35?
What did you like best about yourself at that age?
What did you like least about yourself at that age?
What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age?
What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35?
What was the most surprising thing about being 35?
If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?
What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds?
Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35?

If you'd like to share your experience of life at 35 and beyond, please e-mail me at whatis35@gmail.com.

'All the Things That Keep Us Here'

Tina Fey spends quite a bit of time in "Bossypants" (which everyone should read) gushing over her dear friend Amy Poehler, and understandably so. In this installment, I'd like to gush a bit over my sister-in-law Carrie, whose story of life at 35 you can read below.

Carrie is a great mom to my nieces and nephews and a great partner to my brother. As you'll read, they've gone through so much during their six-year marriage but have made it work together. I'm extraordinarily grateful that my brother has such a strong, caring, fantastic person by his side, and that my nieces and nephews have her for a mom.

"Well, again, there is so much to tell," Carrie said of her life since turning 35. "My husband and I suffered what I hope to be the worst loss of our lives when our baby Daniel was born too early and did not make it. My oldest daughter Bree was married. We have had some ups and downs with job loss in a terrible economy. We celebrated the births of our beautiful son Logan and our second granddaughter Violet."

Here's Carrie's life at 35.

Your name: Carrie S.

What year did you turn 35? 2006

Where were you living then? Upland, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Working, being a mom to two incredible teenagers, planning a wedding, planning a baby

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? Well, where to begin? Thirty-five was an amazingly good year for me. Right before turning 35, I had a tubal reversal with the hopes of being able to give my future husband a child. The month I turned 35, we purchased a home. We found out shortly after that my daughter was pregnant and I would be a grandma before the year was through. A few months later, I became the luckiest girl in the world and married my husband (not to mention marrying into a pretty great family). The following day we found out that, yes, in fact the tubal reversal had worked and I was PREGNANT!!! In June of that year my first grandchild Lily was born! And six weeks after that (a few days before my 36th birthday) our beautiful daughter Quinn came to join the party. This had been a crazy, crazy year.

What major events happened in the world that year? Who knows. I would look it up but really I was in my own little bubble of happiness that year and could care less what was happening in the world.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? I had it all. Everything was finally falling into place in my life. I was happy.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? Everything

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Nothing

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I learned that 35 is not old. Don't be afraid to follow your heart—it will work out.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I kind of always felt that 35 was the half-way mark. Young was over and old is coming. I was wrong. I can be young for a few more years.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? That I like myself more at 35 than I did at 25. I almost can't (but can) wait to be 45.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Not a thing. I am very happy with the choices that I made at 35. I hope that I have another year where things work out so well. If not, I will always have 35.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Live your life without regrets. You're not old yet, but you will be.

'Now I Know, I Got to Play My Hand'

I've been singing Heart songs most of my life. I think I was singing "Barracuda" on the way to pre-school (along with other late '70s/early '80s gems like the Stevie Nicks/Don Henley duet "Leather and Lace"). Ann and Nancy Wilson are enviously talented and as I've gotten older, my admiration for them has grown.

One of my favorite Heart songs is "Straight On," from which this installment's title comes: "Now I know, I got to play my hand/What the winner don't know, a gambler understands." When I feel like taking a chance, those lyrics come to mind.

Karen, this week's contributor, took the first in a series of big jumps in her mid-30s. Thanks to the confidence she gained from taking that first leap, she's been able to make even bigger moves, some of which she includes in this list of big post-35 events:

1. Child: My husband and I had a son in 1999. He’s the joy of my life and I am so glad my hubby talked me into having him, because when I was 35, I was so sure I never wanted kids.
2. Separation: When I turned 40 my husband and I separated for a year and a half. It was a horrible time but we both learned a lot and our relationship grew stronger as a result.
3. Death: My grandmother died and my mother-in-law died—one at 96, the other much too young. My first real experiences with death.
4. Recession: Experiencing the 2008 recession, seeing friends laid off, seeing my parents and others lose lots of their retirement savings, and seeing that no one was held accountable for it gave me a much more “Zen” attitude toward the world. You can’t plan everything, and nothing is for sure. This isn’t a bad thing.
5. Business: As a result of No. 4 I started my own business with three partners. Again, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, but like the other challenges I’ve faced, I’ve learned so much.

Here, Karen shares the experiences she had and lessons she learned at 35.

Your name (first name and last initial) Karen A.

What year did you turn 35? 1998

Where were you living then? Long Beach, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Married for 4 years, working, no kids.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? I had just come off a rollercoaster year of challenges. When I was 34 I left the “comfort zone” of the magazine where I had worked since graduating from college. I wanted to make more money so I went to work as a marketing copywriter at a big corporation. The money was great and I learned a lot, but the workload was crushing—I was in the office six days a week. When I started having to go to work on Sundays as well, I decided this wasn’t for me. I quit and became a freelance writer for a while. I hated that, and was fortunate that my boss at the magazine hired me back.

What major events happened in the world that year? I had to look this up, because I remember nothing (apologies to Nora Ephron), but here are some major events:

• the TV show “Seinfeld” ended (and the last episode was horrible),
• California banned smoking in bars/nightclubs (this was life-changing because my husband was a musician, so we spent three nights a week in bars/nightclubs, and I hate smoke. It was great not to come home reeking.),
• the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal was exploding,
• Google was incorporated. The advent of the Internet into our lives (especially at work) was probably the biggest event for me—it really changed everything about how we worked.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? I felt I was truly at a personal and professional peak. My husband and I had a great relationship, lots of friends, and a great new apartment. We went out all the time, dancing and seeing live music with our friends. I was physically fit, full of energy and looked good (I remember the big thrill of my corporate job was the excuse to go out and buying lots of new clothes!). Professionally, I am proud of myself for going through so many challenges the year before I turned 35, and learning how to tackle them all. When I came back to the magazine company, I got an awesome job editing a magazine for young entrepreneurs. The dotcom boom was just taking off, and our magazine was right in the thick of it. I had so much fun at work that year! I remember just feeling “I’m at the top of my game right now” and that I could take on the world.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I was coming out of my shell and becoming a more confident person. As a very shy person, I’m still shocked that I actually had the balls to negotiate with my boss, quit my job, take a job I really had no experience in and where I didn’t know anyone, and rock it!

What did you like least about yourself at that age? As you can tell, I was pretty happy with myself, although I’m sure I still beat myself up occasionally about being shy, selfish, dorky, having cellulite, and all the things that we beat ourselves up about no matter how successful we are.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I tend to take the easy way out and stick with what’s safe. That year, I learned that trying something new—even when you’re scared to do it—really pays off. I came back to my magazine job with so much more confidence, and it affected everything I did from then on. I was able to negotiate a bigger salary because I knew if they didn’t say yes, I could leave again. A year later, I took a job I really knew nothing about (Web editor). I would never have done that without the experiences I had at 35.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? As a kid, I remember thinking 35 was totally middle-aged … like you’d have gray hair and wear elastic-waist, polyester pants. In reality, 35 is pretty much a perfect age—you’re confident and not a “girl” anymore, but you’re still young enough to enjoy whatever you want to do (in other words, if you want to stay out till 3 a.m., bungee jump or try windsurfing, your body can still handle it …). There are still a lot of options ahead of you and open to you.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? I don’t think I was really surprised about anything—I felt I was right where I should be.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? If I had known how much your body starts to change after age 40 and how, even if you do exercise religiously, things start to decline, I would have made a point to think about the physical things I wanted to do—like running a marathon, surfing or learning to salsa dance—and start doing them. Now, approaching 50, I have to take my deteriorating knee cartilage and rotator cuff into account whenever I consider a new activity. It sucks. (Speaking of the knees—maybe I shouldn’t have done so much step aerobics when I was 35, but hey, I didn’t know.)

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? The advice I’d offer women at any age: Enjoy this time and take the risks you’re considering so that you look back on your life feeling satisfied. (And if you’re feeling old and fat, remember that in 10 years you’ll look back at 35 and think wistfully how young and thin you were.)

'It's Where You Belong'

I first met Maria, this week's contributor, when I interviewed for my first job as an editorial assistant at Entrepreneur magazine. I worked there for five-and-a-half years, developing friendships not only with my cohorts (as detailed here) but also with the editors who I had quite a few things in common with, including a love of U2.

I've run into Maria at several U2 shows, which is always so fun. The last time I ran into her wasn't at a U2 show but at a port-o-potty prior to the start of an outdoor screening of "Pretty in Pink." I was there with some friends and she was there with some other editors I'd worked for at Entrepreneur. It was a great surprise to see them all there and gave me the perfect opportunity to ask them to contribute to this project.

A few months after I started at Entrepreneur, Maria had her son, Henry. Since turning 35, Maria had another baby, her daughter Anna. She also quit her job at Entrepreneur, started a business, bought a house and has run lots of half marathons. In that time, her mom moved closer.

Your name (first name and last initial) Maria H.

What year did you turn 35? 1999

Where were you living then? Belmont Shores, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Working at Entrepreneur, married to Mike H., trying to get preggers with Henry

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? Succeeded in getting pregnant

What major events happened in the world that year? End of millennium, Euro established, Clinton acquitted for impeachment, Columbine, Napster, JFK Jr. dies

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Living in Belmont Shore, running by ocean, Gray the cat, finding out pregnant with Henry

What did you like best about yourself at that age? Fit and thin, lots of good friends

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Too worried about getting pregnant

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? Patience

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? Thought I was chubbing up

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? Still fun and young

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Not worry so much

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Enjoy being young

'See the World!'

Ten years ago I got my first passport and took my first trip abroad, taking a two-week tour of Ireland that I absolutely adored. I went back to Ireland the following year with some friends and spent one week exploring Dublin.

My passport expired earlier this year with just those two stamps.

I live near one small airport and work near another much larger airport. On the drive to work, I see the road conditions sign sharing the time it would take for me to get to the larger international airport; some days it's as little as 10 minutes.

I imagine myself blowing off work and driving those 10 minutes to the airport and flying off somewhere with just the clothes on my back and whatever I may have in my purse. Where would I go? What would I do? How would I get around? The idea is both terrifying and exhilarating.

I'll probably never have the guts (or disposable income) to run away like that, but I do hope I can do more traveling. Since my last trip to Ireland in 2003, I've been lucky enough to see much more of the United States. I can't get enough of New York. I've visited Detroit, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Raleigh/Durham, Nashville, Seattle and San Francisco. I've never been to Hawaii, so should probably do that, but think I'd be happier going to Chicago or Washington DC again, plus New York a few dozen more times. Then there's Dublin again, Belfast, London, Paris, Rome, Athens, Sydney, Auckland, Barcelona, Madrid, Berlin, St. Petersburg …

My cousin Donna, this week's contributor, has done quite a bit of traveling since she turned 35, and so much more. She's another great example for me to follow in this and so many ways.

When she was 37, Donna spent a month in Italy, with two weeks at language school and two weeks traveling. Shortly after she returned from Italy, she got a job as a benefits manager at another firm, a position she still has and loves. At 38, she bought a house and became a landlord by renting out her townhouse. Donna bought a road bike, which she likes much better than the mountain bike, and has ridden several century (100-mile) rides. At 42, Donna started playing a musical instrument again after a 20-year hiatus. At 43, she married the man she began dating when she was 35 and changed her name. This year, she became the president of the local chapter of her professional association.

Your name Donna M. (fka Donna B.)

What year did you turn 35? 2002

Where were you living then? In the townhouse I recently purchased, in San Rafael, California (in the San Francisco Bay Area)

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Working

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? On the personal side, I was in a somewhat new relationship with the man I would eventually marry. That year I obtained a passport for the first time and traveled to China and Mongolia—wow, what an experience! I bought a mountain bike (on my birthday). I rode it for a while and then it started gathering dust (more on this one later). On the professional side, I finished a 10-course masters-level program and obtained the Certified Employee Benefit Specialist (CEBS) designation. I had just finished transitioning the office's benefit plans with the firm we had merged with the prior year. I was promoted to HR manager (out of a job I loved, into a job I hated)—we called it a Mafia promotion. I ended up impersonating an HR manager for the next three years. I'm afraid there are lots of other milestones I have forgotten. Sigh.

What major events happened in the world that year? Like the other contributors, I had to look this up. No Child Left Behind was signed. The winter Olympics were in Salt Lake City, Utah. Chandra Levy's disappearance was in the headlines. The U.S. invaded Afghanistan. The Anaheim Angels defeated the SF Giants to win the World Series. This was the year of the first anniversary of 9/11. U2 performed the Super Bowl halftime show.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? I loved traveling and seeing that people everywhere are basically the same. Things were going pretty well in my personal and professional life and I was starting to feel more like a "grown up."

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I was feeling self-sufficient. I didn't feel like I had it all, but felt like I was making my way. After college I worked long hours in the office. Around this time I was leaving work at a more reasonable hour.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Looking back I see that I was going with the flow, seeing where life would take me. I could have taken more initiative to direct my life.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? Save money so you can take big vacations.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I've got all the time in the world.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? I'll have to take a pass on this one. Can't think of anything at the moment.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? See answer above about what I liked least.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Learn to manage your money and save for retirement. The more you save now, the less you'll have to save later. Don't delay!

'Not if I See You First'

Toward the end of "Stand By Me," the adult Gordie sums up the movie with the line, "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?" For me, I've never had friends later on like the ones I had when I was 22.

I got my first real job that fall, working as an editorial assistant at a business magazine and actually putting my degree to use. The other editorial assistants, a few of the copy editors and a few of the writers I worked with were the same age and we all clicked. I'm still close with those friends and we've weathered so much together over the past 13 years—layoffs, cross-country moves, marriages, starting businesses, growing up.

The instant click I felt with those coworkers-turned-friends is one of the great blessings of my life. These are the kinds of friends that no matter how much time has passed between phone calls, e-mails or visits, we're able to pick right up again. These are the people I close down restaurants and loiter in parking lots with.

As I get older, I know the chances of building new friendships that are like my old friendships is pretty slim, same as the adult Gordie realized. How likely is it that I will find myself in the position I found myself in 13 years ago, working with people who were the same age, had the same major, liked many of the same things, and had similar temperaments and outlooks? I won't bet the farm on it.

What I will do, though, is keep my heart open for any new people who might find their way into my atmosphere and put in the work to hold onto all the old friends I've been lucky enough to meet over the years.

One of those friends, the person whose desk I inherited on my first day of work in Oct. 1999, turned 36 earlier this year and shared some of her experiences of being 35.

Your name Lori F.

What year did you turn 35? 2011

Where were you living then? West New York, New Jersey

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Working, working and working. I spent most of the year trying to achieve some sort of work-life balance, but in the end work won out. I think that's what tends to happen when you're a single working girl. You need to make a conscious effort to set aside time for other things that fulfill you, because if you don't, work becomes your life and that impacts how you feel about everything around you. I'm thankful every day that I have a job, but I have to always remember that it is just a job.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? My 35th year wasn't very eventful for me, and that's OK. There have been times when I've felt like something just needed to happen, something big to get me out of a funk, but then I would remind myself that isn't always the answer. A huge event or milestone doesn't necessarily need to be the trigger for change. It can happen on an ordinary day while you're carrying on your daily routine when it finally hits you—that you need to be the trigger for change.

What major events happened in the world that year? I had to cheat a little on this one. For some reason world events have become a huge blur for me. I remember that certain things have happened, but I can't always remember when they happened. The years are starting to go by faster, but it also feels like everything happened a lifetime ago.

Let's see, last year Japan was hit with a huge earthquake that triggered a tsunami causing mass destruction, both Osama bin Laden and Gadhafi were killed, it was the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terror attacks, Rupert Murdock and News of the World got caught up in the hacking scandal, the U.S. space shuttle program ended, a gunman went on a shooting spree at a camp in Norway, riots broke out in London, Occupy Wall Street started, Steve Jobs died, "The Oprah Winfrey Show" ended, Will and Kate got married, and million other things I can't seem to remember. It's odd that most of the events I remember are negative things. We need more good news in the world.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? As I get older, I find myself cherishing the time I spend with family and friends. I don't mean to be depressing and morbid, but the reality is that we are all getting older and we're not going to live forever. When we remember this, it's kind of like a kick in the butt that reminds us to spend time with those we love and to make the most of that time. As much as I love celebrating the big moments in life, it's the smaller ones that mean the most to me, like laughing uncontrollably with my sister, talking with friends in a parking lot for hours, making someone smile after a bad day, or having a good conversation with my mom. I want to have more of those memories in my life.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I liked that I was still a work in progress. I'm still learning and evolving because that's what life is all about. It's nice that I can still surprise myself from time to time.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? The one thing I don't like about getting older is how I feel physically. When you're young you take your body for granted. You eat things that are bad for you, you don't get enough rest and you drink way too much, but somehow, your body rebounds and you power through it all. At 35, my body definitely didn't feel the same.

One day I was sitting on my couch, struggling to breathe, putting too much effort into getting up from the couch, not fitting into my clothes and just feeling tired, lethargic and depressed. On Feb. 1, as I was approaching the end of 35 and closing in on 36, I decided I'd had enough and started something I called "The Routine" to help get me out of this physical torture I'd created for myself. I woke up early and started working out for 30 minutes a day. I started taking a multivitamin. I changed my diet so I was eating smaller portions and more fresh foods. I also made a conscious effort to reduce the amount of sugar I consumed, which was one of the hardest things for me to do because of my insane sweet tooth.

Although I hit a few bumps along the way and had to tweak my schedule, I found myself feeling better about myself. I'm still not completely where I want to be and I know I'll never have a 21-year-old body again, but it's enough that I'm losing weight at a healthy pace and that these changes in my routine have greatly improved my mood.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I learned that I needed to get my butt off the couch and do something. I needed to push myself and go beyond my comfort zone. I realized that I had to put the same effort into my love life as I did with my career if I wanted to see results. So, with a little push from a friend at work, I created my first online dating profile. Now all I need to do is find someone to contact and go on a date with that person. I'm taking it one step at a time and hopefully one day I'll find the courage to go for it, full speed ahead.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I always thought I had to have it all figured out by the time I was 35. When I was 18 I had a very clear plan for myself: Go to college, graduate, get a job, get married, have children, quit the day job to take care of the kids and become a full-time writer. According to my plan I should be happily married and living in a four-bedroom house in SoCal with our three kids and a few published books under my belt. That is nowhere near my reality and that's OK. I don't need to have it all figured out. The only thing that really matters is that I'm doing what I need to do, on my own terms and in my own time, while I'm doing the things that make me happy.

I also thought I'd feel like more of a grown-up at 35. I thought my taste in music, movies, books and everything else would change, become more sophisticated or "adult," but I've found that I like a lot of things that are childish and considered guilty pleasures, but that's perfectly fine. The people of my generation like what they like and they make no apologies for it. I'm 35 and I like to watch teenybopper shows and read comics—and I don't care what anyone else thinks.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? How normal it felt. That seems to be the one thing that surprises me about every milestone birthday. It's kind of like New Year's Eve. The clock strikes midnight, but nothing seems different. Nothing magical happens, you don't miraculously know the answers to every life question, and there isn't a whole lot of fanfare unless you have big birthday party.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I'd sit down and focus more so I could finish at least one of the millions of projects floating around in my head. While I was 35 it finally hit me that there was a lot of crap being written and turned into successful movie franchises, and that I should be one of those people cashing in on this whole crapfest. Every year I promise myself that I'll write more, keep up my blog or finish one of the many unfinished stories sitting on my hard drive, but I never do because I get distracted or just plain lazy. I really need to buckle down and focus in my 36th year so I can get something done.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Enjoy it. No matter what you're doing, where you are, who you're with, just enjoy being 35 because you're only 35 once.

'Hey World, I'm 35!'

To earn airline miles, I take surveys and polls that often ask for my age for clarification purposes so the market research firm can tell its client that right-handed 34-year-old college-educated women feel this way about bleach or paper towels or whatever.

Tomorrow, I'm jumping up a box.

After much pondering and fretting and, likely, too much time dedicated to this topic than it maybe deserves, I'll be 35 in just a few hours. Hmm.

I'm still not sure how I feel about being this adult age. Am I grown up? Am I mature enough? Serious enough? Am I on the right path? Do I know what I want? Do I know enough to get what I want? Still 34, the answer to all those questions is "probably".

It's not definitive but it's the best I can do right now, which is fine. "Probably" is much better than "definitely not" and very surely on the road to "certainly". Maybe in a few months, I'll be all the way there.

I don't want to hide my age or apologize for my life, which I think is the best place to be regardless of your age. If I can still feel this way a year from now, that's a very good thing.

Since I don't have a crystal ball, I can't accurately project what I'll be thinking or feeling a year from now when I'm just on the other side of 35. Luckily, I have friends who can share that insight with me.

A dear friend, former colleague and partner-in-crime who recently turned 36 offers some practical and reassuring advice in this installment.

Your name (first name and last initial) Maggie I.

What year did you turn 35? 2011

Where were you living then? Washington, D.C.

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Working!

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? No real milestones that year, except for turning 35.

What major events happened in the world that year? Sadly, I had to Google this. Earthquake and tsunami in Japan, royal wedding, revolutions kick off in the Middle East, riots in the UK, the Great Recession continues, the Mars Rover launches, the war in Iraq officially ends.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Watching the royal wedding in the middle of the night with my parents and sister, decked out in plastic jewels and tucking into scones. Regular weekend fun and relaxation with my boyfriend. My sister's visit to Washington, D.C.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? A growing sense of contentment

What did you like least about yourself at that age? My sun spots and increasing blotchiness!

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? Circumstances don't determine how content you are. You can find contentment in most circumstances. Also, totally unrelated: When shopping for clothes, fit makes all the difference. Just because something isn't obviously a bad fit [that] doesn't mean it's a good fit, and I want/need a good fit!

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? That I was old. Now that I'm 36, 35 doesn't seem so bad! I'm sure it'll be the same next year.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? The physical changes that hit soon after my birthday: quickly weakening muscles, hormonal drops, fading memory (hence the need to Google 2011's major events). How hard it is to get into shape. Also, the fact that even though 35 sounded old to me, I felt as though I was young—about five years younger than I am. I think not owning a home, being married or having children helped with that.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Honestly? Save up to have my sun spots zapped. I can still do that at age 36, I just wish it were done already.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Relax. Enjoy the stage you're at. And don't let anyone treat you as though your circumstances should be different, especially when it comes to marriage and kids. Circumstances don't make your life what it is. Life is not a competition, and people who treat it like it is are slaves to their egos, but life is infinitely richer and more joyful without an ego to satiate.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? You're still young. Really!

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

New Year's and birthdays are presented as perfect opportunities to make big changes, shake things up, take those first steps to completely change your life. It's so easy to invest in the idea that these days have magical, transformational powers, but the truth is that New Year's or your birthday is a day just like any other.

This was hard for me to accept when I was younger. I thought my birthdays would be magical, or at least special. I thought I'd wake up taller, smarter, prettier, more confident, but rarely did. I didn't wake up with long flowing hair on my eighth birthday despite all my wishing. I wasn't any more mature the day I turned 16 than I was the day before when I was still 15.

Life changes tend to amass over days, weeks, months, years. You work up to those goals and breakthroughs by taking many steps, chipping away, very rarely does anything happen all at once. And if your life does change that quickly, it could just as easily happen on some random Tuesday as it could on New Year's or your birthday.

Even though I know all this, even though I'm pretty certain that the day of my 35th birthday will be like every other day, the only difference being I'll sleep in a bit because I'm taking the day off, I still have that tiniest bit of hope that something extraordinary will happen. I don't have a vision of what it will be just that I'd like it to be. Maybe it won't be one big extraordinary thing but the spark or movement toward that big extraordinary life-changing event.

That was my colleague Joni's 35th birthday. An unexpected phone call the morning of her birthday put into the motion a series of events that did change her life for the better. Since turning 35, Joni got married, had two beautiful daughters, traveled to several countries, saved up enough money to buy another house and changed industries after more than 20 years.

Before all that, she turned 35 and got that phone call.

Your name Joni O.

What year did you turn 35? 2003

Where were you living then? Harbor City, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? When I turned 35, I was working full-time for the same company where I am currently employed. I was single, living with my dog Rocky.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? The morning of my 35th birthday, the phone rang at 6:45 a.m. I couldn't imagine who would be calling me that early in the morning; it was an old boyfriend from several years prior who called to say he remembered my birthday and wanted to send me well wishes. That phone call led me down a path I thought I would never travel. We began dating immediately and traveled to Egypt several months later on vacation. It was a destination that I told him I had always wanted to visit and he was interested as well. A few days into our trip, he proposed to me on a camel in Giza in front of the pyramids, a day I will never forget.

What major events happened in the world that year? The Do Not Call List started providing consumers with an opportunity to limit telemarketing calls. Harley-Davidson Motor Cycles celebrated its 100th birthday. California voters recalled Gov. Gray Davis from office and elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to succeed him. The Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated over Texas upon reentry, killing all seven astronauts onboard. The highly infectious disease SARS (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome) spread from China, Singapore and Vietnam. Worldwide, nearly 9,000 people were infected in 15 countries and over 800 died from the effects. Saddam Hussein was captured by U.S. forces. The Asian bird flu outbreak, also known as avian influenza, had people in a panic.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? I fell in love and began the next chapter of my life.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I felt very independent, financially secure and comfortable with my life, and was always planning the next item to accomplish on my "bucket list."

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? Anything can happen in a moment's time that will change the rest of your life. We all have the ability to make choices to change our life at any given moment, the question is will you take the risk of the unknown for change? I did and I have no regrets.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I'd never find a man and have a family, I was too old. I wasn't even sure if I wanted kids at that time in my life.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? It's never too late to fall in love or start a family. If you really want a family, adopt!

Two Weeks' Notice

One of my precious nieces turns five this month. When she let me know the other day that she would be five in two weeks, I asked her what she was going to do in her last two weeks as a four-year-old. We shared a few ideas and she decided she'd like to learn how to tell time between now and her birthday.

I'm confident she will.

I want my niece, and everyone else, to make the most out of every day, to learn to do as many new things as possible, see as much of the world as possible, laugh as much as possible, create as much as possible, love and be loved as much as possible. With just two weeks until my milestone birthday, time and experience are more and more on my mind, and I know that I want so much more of both.

I'm taking notes from as many people as I can, both people in my life and people I admire from afar. One of the women in the world I admire most is Madonna, who turns 54 the day after I turn 35. I'd love for her to answer one of my surveys because I know she'd have so much to share and I also feel like her life after 35 is something to aspire to—giving birth to two children, adopting two more children, launching six record-shattering world tours, writing a bestselling children's book series, launching three successful clothing and accessory lines, winning six Grammy Awards, getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, winning two Golden Globe Awards, releasing eight acclaimed albums …

Without a doubt, Madonna is a good role model. My mom is, too, and was kind enough to be my guinea pig in this project and be my first profile subject. Since turning 35, my mom earned her teaching credential and fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming an elementary school teacher, earned a Master's degree in educational administration, was honored for 25 years of service to her school district, bought her first house, began teaching at the college level, and became a grandmother.

Before she could do all that, here's what my mom was doing when she was 35:

Your name? Beverly S.

What year did you turn 35? 1985

Where were you living then? Ontario, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? I was working a part-time job, maybe two! and I was going to Cal Poly, Pomona finishing my teaching credential. I was a student teacher at Berlyn School in Ontario and Cucamonga Elementary. I was also mom to my two kids. Without the help of my parents, I would not have been able to manage it all.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? I was finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I was so exhausted that I came down with pneumonia, I knew I would soon have a teaching job. I kept reminding the kids that this was only temporary and we would soon be better off financially and I wouldn’t have to work two jobs.

What major events happened in the world that year? I looked it up and found lots of political things and economic things and a few natural disasters but I gravitated toward the songs that my children and I were singing along to while going around doing errands—"Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen, "We Are the World" USA for Africa, Madonna's "Like a Virgin," "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner, "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head, "Just A Gigolo/I Ain't Got Nobody" by David Lee Roth. All of these were fun, made you think you had the power to do something and gave me hope. On television I was watching "Cagney & Lacey" and "MacGyver," which were smart and entertaining. The Live Aid pop concerts in Philadelphia and London raised over $50 million for famine relief in Ethiopia. As a mom, I wanted my children to know they could make a difference.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Spending simple times with my kids. We went to the mall every weekend. We talked and talked! I remember giving them a bunch of change and they would sit outside my class at Cal Poly. They could buy things from the vending machines!

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I had professors who told me I was brilliant! I had not heard this before and it meant so much to me.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? My weight and health were really beginning to become a problem that would last for the next 20 years. I agonized over how this was affecting my children. I wished so much that we had money to do the things that the kids wanted to do.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? To listen to my children. I also learned that what seems like an eternity of time goes by very quickly. I had a group of friends who would meet for fun and for prayer. Their life stories and their faith were of great support to me. They believed in me.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? That this was how it was going to be forever! That I had to work really hard and not allow myself down time.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? That other people who were 35 were so immature!

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would realize how precious my mental and physical health is and take more significant steps to make sure that I was healthy. I kept thinking I could take care of it later and soon it was almost too late. I would not have let fear and depression get a hold of me.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women? Be the woman you want to be. If you have partner, fine but don't let that partner define you. If you are single, take pride in it and surround yourself with positive friends, groups that can support you, laugh with you and give you love while taking the same from you. Someone once said you need a younger friend to remind you of the future, a friend your own age to share with and an older friend to remind you of the past. Cherish them all. You don't want to be younger, you've done that! Be exactly the age you are.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? My greatest joy at age 35 and everyday has been my two children, one of whom turns 35 this year. My love for her cannot be expressed, my pride for her is unbounded, and my dreams for her are nothing but for her happiness and fulfillment.

Life on Hold

I started listening to Loveline again a few months ago. That show was nightly listening for me throughout high school and into college, and it's interesting to hear so many years later that the show really hasn't changed so much and that kids are still facing the same problems.

One new part of the show is the "Open Forum," where listeners share their opinion on a nightly topic. The topic the other night was if you'd rather put love or your career on hold. The answers were pretty mixed, though most said they'd choose one or the other.

At this point, I wouldn't choose one over the other. I've spent my life thinking I have an infinity in front of me, that I had as much time as I needed to do what I wanted to, to try what I wanted to, to be who I wanted to. Having three grandparents in their 90s has definitely helped that feeling along, "I have 80, 70, 60 … years ahead of me. Why rush?"

If you put any part of your life on hold, you may not have enough time to go back and take it off hold. You may get so far behind, you can't catch up. Or, at least you'll feel like you can't.

Putting this project together has several goals for me, to remind me of the finite nature of our time in this world (though not of time itself, which is truly infinite) and to also encourage me to make the most of the time I do have. To do that, I know I can't put anything on hold.

I've gotten a few people working on the questionnaire I've created, and have started asking more people if they'd like to complete one. I hope to be posting them here shortly. The questionnaire I've created is below. Please get in touch if you'd like to contribute.

What year did you turn 35?
Where were you living then?
What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)?
What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)?
What major events happened in the world that year?
What are your favorite memories of being 35?
What did you like best about yourself at that age?
What did you like least about yourself at that age?
What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age?
What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35?
What was the most surprising thing about being 35?
If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?
What advice can you offer to other 35-year-old women?
Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35?

Counting Down

I turn 35 in six weeks. I don't lie about my age or get too hung up on it, usually, but turning 35 feels like a pretty big deal, maybe even a bigger deal than turning 30 was.

When I was younger, I didn't map my life out perfectly, intending to check off certain accomplishments at certain times, but I'm confident in the knowledge that the reality of my life at nearly 35 is nothing like the life I imagined for myself when I was 18 or 22 or 30. I've made strides in certain areas and fallen far short in others, which I guess to be the case for all of us, though I'd like for my successes to outweigh my shortcomings.

That's where "What Is 35?" comes in. Knowing that my birthday is just around the corner, I felt like I wanted to do something to set me on the right path for what's next. I know I'm not going to become the model adult in the next six weeks, or even in the next year and six weeks, but I'd like to feel better about myself and my life on the eve of my 36th birthday than I do on the eve of my 35th. How can I do that?

I truly believe in the benefits of learning from the experiences and examples of others, it's why I went to college, take yoga, read and generally try to absorb as much wisdom and advice as possible. Over the next year, I'll be interviewing as many woman as I can about their experiences being 35. I'm starting with family and friends but hope this project will take on a life of its own and that I'll be able to share the stories of as wide a range of women as possible. I may even get a man or two to weigh in.

I'm excited to see how this turns out.