'You Turn the Key'

I'm now 36 and two days old, and have been thinking for the last few days what I would share in this final entry about what I saw, did, thought, learned and felt during my 35th year, something I could add beyond what I already shared in this blog. What does it all mean? What is 35 all about?

For me, 35 has been about keeping busy, taking chances, putting myself out there, making lists, crossing fingers, hearing yes, hearing no, hearing nothing, pushing ahead. It's been about developing more trust in myself, my actions and my reactions. It's been about having faith in my intelligence, intuition, talent and skills. It's been about having the confidence to say, "Pick me, I'm the one" and then saying it again and again and again and again and again until someone says, "Yes, you're the one" back. It's about knowing I'll survive if no one does.

Thirty-five was nothing like what I thought it would be. There were times when I didn't feel grown-up enough, I didn't feel accomplished enough, I didn't feel enough enough. Does anyone?

This year I learned that I won't get anything I want if I spend my time obsessing over what I don't have. This year I learned that I have to open myself up more so I can get more, have more and be more. This year I learned that I have the skills, the tools, the experiences, the insights and the intuition to handle any situation. This year I learned I always had all those things, I just didn't trust that I did.

Being 36, 37, 38 and everything beyond that, I have to trust myself more, trust that I will make the right move, say the right thing and make the right decision. I also have to trust that when something goes wrong, I can get through it, maybe even for the better.

What year did you turn 35? 2012

Where were you living then? Southern California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? I was working for a magazine and serving on AWF's board, then …

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? I was laid off from my job in December.

What major events happened in the world that year? Barack Obama and Joe Biden were reelected, Hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast, the military took over in Egypt, birthday mate Ben Affleck wasn't nominated for a director Oscar but won everything else, Hillary Clinton stepped down as Secretary of State and was succeeded by John Kerry, Prince George of Cambridge was born, Prop 8 and DOMA were struck down by the Supreme Court, Clarence Thomas spoke for the first time during Supreme Court oral arguments in seven years, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes, Seth MacFarlane tap danced with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe at the Oscars (one of the most adorable moments ever), the Boston Marathon bombings, the Zimmerman trial, the sequester …

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Reconnecting with my college friend Sam and seeing Henry Rollins in Sacramento with her; visiting Maggie in Washington DC, touring the city and finally going to Africare's Bishop Walker Dinner; going to Madonna with Carrie; getting an Arizona Matchbook Co. matchbook from a "Community" crew member at CommuniCon; going to No Doubt with my brother; watching Joel McHale and Jim Rash tango at PaleyFest; hearing Elvis Costello perform "Veronica" after more than 20 years of waiting; watching Nick Offerman and Chris Pratt perform "5,000 Candles in Wind" at Royce Hall; White Tantric; Russell Brand's leather jacket; any time spent with the kids watching movies, listening to girl or boy music, having fun; meeting Nick Hornby; my Gramma's 99th birthday; the Ben Affleck movie night/slumber party; Green Day at the Fox Theater; #mayersback; starting and continuing this blog; the kindness, love and best wishes I got after being laid off

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I was more confident and able to handle life in a stronger, more graceful way than I had when I was younger.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Too many days feeling so far from where I wanted to be.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? That I knew what to do, that I knew what to say, that I knew how to act and react, I just had to have to faith in myself that I could do the right thing. I also learned the importance of being open to opportunities, adventures, relationships, the universe in general.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? That it meant I was too late, that I'd missed too many opportunities.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? Through reading everyone's contributions, I saw how often being 35 was the start of something new, big, unexpected.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Overall, I feel pretty good about what I did at 35, but I do think there are times when I could have done more, tried harder, pushed further and been more open.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? Trust yourself. You're smarter than you give yourself credit. You're stronger than you give yourself credit. You've made it through 35 years of life, faced and overcame so many challenges, so you can do it, whatever it is, you can do it.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? I want to thank all of my contributors: my mom; my guinea pigs Maggie and Lori; my sister-in-law (and birthday mate) Carrie; my cousin Donna; my aunt Kristen; my hero Erica; my teacher Nelann; my mentors Joni, Maria and Karen; my old workmates Michelle and Charlotte; and the guys, Ethan, Mike and Carlos. Thank you for writing, thank you for sharing, thank you for everything. And thanks to all of you for reading.