'It Sways and It Swings and It Bends'

It's been nearly four months since my 36th birthday and last entry in this blog. I'm still on the job hunt. I've found seasonal retail work and a freelance assignment, thankfully, but am on edge as Congress debates whether or not to maintain extended unemployment benefits.

Regardless of what happens, I know I'll get through it. That's one of the great lessons I learned at age 35.

My friend Nichole is also reckoning with that same hard-earned lesson. Like me, she recently turned 36. And, like me, her past year was a tough one. And a great one. She says it all so much better than I could, so I'll let her tell you the story of her life at 35.

Your name (first name and last initial): Nichole G.

What year did you turn 35? 2012

Where were you living then? Long Beach, California

What were you doing then? Working 12–14 hour days running our family yogurt shop.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? I had a year filled with high highs and very low lows. We lost my dear cousin and business partner to a long battle with cancer. Her passing struck me hard because we were close friends as well as cousins—we were like sisters. I've lost people before in my life, but she was the closest—I still find myself wanting to text her or go have a movie night with her. Yet, as a testament to how poetic life is, it was around this sad time that my husband and I were able to take the trip of a lifetime to Alaska. We had an amazing vacation, cruising into beautiful country and experiencing the grandeur of nature. It was a blessed trip, from start to finish and in retrospect, I see it was vital to my physical and spiritual health. God knew I would need that respite. That's the only way I can explain the timing of it.

What major events happened in the world that year? Without checking back—what sticks out to me is the 2012 election. Barack Obama was re-elected—I was happy about that, but I was elated to see Senator Elizabeth Warren elected in 2012.

What are your favorite memories of being 35? I remember vignettes—our trip to Alaska was one big one. Getting to spend time with my dear cousin before she passed. And moments with my parents (they would come and help me at the store, weekly) and I cherished that time with them. I realized, even in the midst of the stress of the business, that it was a unique and special gift that I was able to spend so much time with my parents during my workday—and that the business happened to be 5 minutes from their house.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I liked that I was able to see real growth in myself. I started going to therapy when I was 34, for the first time in my life, and continued after I turned 35. It really helped me to see why I was the way I was, what my coping mechanisms were, how to sit with my feelings, how to be honest with myself, how to get to the core of what was really going on when I was feeling angry or frustrated or lashing out. I still have a long way to go, but I feel stronger and better prepared to deal with things now. And in my experiences working in my own business, I've grown by leaps and bounds. I've faced challenges I've never before faced, given more time and effort to something than ever before and learned what I'm made of. I feel like I'm harder to knock down than I was before.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? I didn't like how easy it was to fall back into bad habits. With all my emotional growth, I would still find myself backsliding into old behaviors, old coping mechanisms. It would be like one step forward, two steps back (not to paraphrase Paula Abdul too much).

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I learned how short life is and how important it is to live and to be brave and to do the things you want to do. I know it's a cliché, and it's a lesson I've learned before, but there was a clarity this year: realizing my beautiful cousin was only 15 years older than me when she passed. I realized how much of my life I've spent waiting for things to happen, waiting for things to get better, waiting for me to be better and at 35 I know that's pointless. None of us knows how long we have here—and I decided I didn't want to waste any more time.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I thought I would have it all together by that age. I never realized how young and inexperienced I would still feel at times.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? That I'm still just me. I didn't magically turn wiser or "grow up" or reach a particular epiphany when I turned 35. That milestone ages are still just ages. If it gets us to reflect on our path, that's good—but I think we should be reflecting on our path anyway.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would be kinder to myself. And I would take better care of my body. When I was 35, I had a very bad episode with my back—I was spending too many hours at the store (during our slow season) and really sacrificed my health to the altar of my business. It sounds almost too literal, but I really think the weight of my business was bearing down on me. I was at the shop 6 days a week, 14 hours a day (2 days/week, completely alone), stressing about money all the time, and it crunched my back. I had a really bad two months where I was in a lot of pain and a few weeks when I could barely walk. We had to close the store one day because I was the only one who could work—and I couldn't walk. My back is better now, but it hasn't fully healed—I still have residual effects from that episode. That was sobering and scary and I realized that the business, as important as it was to me, was not more important than my health. Since then, I've made choices with that in mind. It's still hard—but knowing what happened last year has made me more conscious of my needs. A term I learned in therapy: self-care. I'm still learning how to do it, but it's starting with me being honest about my needs, for really the first time in my life.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? If you haven't already, start being present in your life today. Feel this moment, be awake to yourself and to the world around you. I felt like I traveled in a haze through most of my 20s and early 30s. Like I was always waiting for something, always worried about something, always fearful and fretting about something—and not being present in that moment. I think my memory of those times is hazy because I wasn't really there—I was off in my own neuroses, obsessing about something else. I feel like we're conditioned to go to high school, go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids—that's not the path for everyone. And even if it is your path, even if you want those things, you may come to them in different order. I think we have to make peace with that. I know we're fighting a biological clock (which is a whole other article), but if you're 35, live in the moment. Look around. Breathe. Look up. Get in touch with your spirit and the universe around you. The advice holds for any age, but that is what's helping me now at the wise age of 36!

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? This year was one of the hardest of my life, but it held some of the most beautiful and rare moments as well. I know I would not have chosen to go through these dark times; I think it's human nature to want everything to be sunny and happy and easy. But after going through this difficult time and learning from it and growing because of it, I see that it was worth it. I needed these changes and realizations and lessons. I think it's like school—most of us don't like to write papers or take tests—but we usually come out of them better on the other side. Remember that when you're being tested. Remember that when you're in the darkness and you will even more fully enjoy and embrace the light.

'You Turn the Key'

I'm now 36 and two days old, and have been thinking for the last few days what I would share in this final entry about what I saw, did, thought, learned and felt during my 35th year, something I could add beyond what I already shared in this blog. What does it all mean? What is 35 all about?

For me, 35 has been about keeping busy, taking chances, putting myself out there, making lists, crossing fingers, hearing yes, hearing no, hearing nothing, pushing ahead. It's been about developing more trust in myself, my actions and my reactions. It's been about having faith in my intelligence, intuition, talent and skills. It's been about having the confidence to say, "Pick me, I'm the one" and then saying it again and again and again and again and again until someone says, "Yes, you're the one" back. It's about knowing I'll survive if no one does.

Thirty-five was nothing like what I thought it would be. There were times when I didn't feel grown-up enough, I didn't feel accomplished enough, I didn't feel enough enough. Does anyone?

This year I learned that I won't get anything I want if I spend my time obsessing over what I don't have. This year I learned that I have to open myself up more so I can get more, have more and be more. This year I learned that I have the skills, the tools, the experiences, the insights and the intuition to handle any situation. This year I learned I always had all those things, I just didn't trust that I did.

Being 36, 37, 38 and everything beyond that, I have to trust myself more, trust that I will make the right move, say the right thing and make the right decision. I also have to trust that when something goes wrong, I can get through it, maybe even for the better.

What year did you turn 35? 2012

Where were you living then? Southern California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? I was working for a magazine and serving on AWF's board, then …

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? I was laid off from my job in December.

What major events happened in the world that year? Barack Obama and Joe Biden were reelected, Hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast, the military took over in Egypt, birthday mate Ben Affleck wasn't nominated for a director Oscar but won everything else, Hillary Clinton stepped down as Secretary of State and was succeeded by John Kerry, Prince George of Cambridge was born, Prop 8 and DOMA were struck down by the Supreme Court, Clarence Thomas spoke for the first time during Supreme Court oral arguments in seven years, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes, Seth MacFarlane tap danced with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe at the Oscars (one of the most adorable moments ever), the Boston Marathon bombings, the Zimmerman trial, the sequester …

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Reconnecting with my college friend Sam and seeing Henry Rollins in Sacramento with her; visiting Maggie in Washington DC, touring the city and finally going to Africare's Bishop Walker Dinner; going to Madonna with Carrie; getting an Arizona Matchbook Co. matchbook from a "Community" crew member at CommuniCon; going to No Doubt with my brother; watching Joel McHale and Jim Rash tango at PaleyFest; hearing Elvis Costello perform "Veronica" after more than 20 years of waiting; watching Nick Offerman and Chris Pratt perform "5,000 Candles in Wind" at Royce Hall; White Tantric; Russell Brand's leather jacket; any time spent with the kids watching movies, listening to girl or boy music, having fun; meeting Nick Hornby; my Gramma's 99th birthday; the Ben Affleck movie night/slumber party; Green Day at the Fox Theater; #mayersback; starting and continuing this blog; the kindness, love and best wishes I got after being laid off

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I was more confident and able to handle life in a stronger, more graceful way than I had when I was younger.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Too many days feeling so far from where I wanted to be.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? That I knew what to do, that I knew what to say, that I knew how to act and react, I just had to have to faith in myself that I could do the right thing. I also learned the importance of being open to opportunities, adventures, relationships, the universe in general.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? That it meant I was too late, that I'd missed too many opportunities.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? Through reading everyone's contributions, I saw how often being 35 was the start of something new, big, unexpected.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Overall, I feel pretty good about what I did at 35, but I do think there are times when I could have done more, tried harder, pushed further and been more open.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? Trust yourself. You're smarter than you give yourself credit. You're stronger than you give yourself credit. You've made it through 35 years of life, faced and overcame so many challenges, so you can do it, whatever it is, you can do it.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? I want to thank all of my contributors: my mom; my guinea pigs Maggie and Lori; my sister-in-law (and birthday mate) Carrie; my cousin Donna; my aunt Kristen; my hero Erica; my teacher Nelann; my mentors Joni, Maria and Karen; my old workmates Michelle and Charlotte; and the guys, Ethan, Mike and Carlos. Thank you for writing, thank you for sharing, thank you for everything. And thanks to all of you for reading.

The Final Countdown

Today is The Edge's 52nd birthday. It's also one week until my 36th birthday and final entry in this blog.

The time has definitely flown by.

I want to do something fun each of these seven days, so I'm off to "This Is the End" in a few minutes, after having an interview earlier today, and am going to a special preview screening of "Austenland" tomorrow. One of the most-exciting things on my calendar is my niece's sixth birthday this weekend.

For my birthday, I'm hoping to raise $100 for the African Well Fund's admin fund, helping the nonprofit cover for all the non-glamorous expenses like printing, shipping and insurance. I'm so grateful for the donations I've already received ($70 to date). If you'd like to make a donation, please click here. Thank you!

'Eyes on Your Own Paper'

Over and over in yoga class we're told not to worry about what other people in class are doing, that yoga isn't a competitive exercise but instead about our own experience. It doesn't matter if someone else can stretch further or hold a pose longer, what's important is doing your best.

That principle applies off the mat as well. This week I had to take a timed test in the same room as about a dozen other people. As I tried to focus on the directions and create a strategy for tackling each assignment, I found myself distracted by the actions of my fellow test-takers. Are they already typing? Should I be further along? Are they already finished? Am I taking too long?

When I left, I was afraid that focusing too much on what someone else was doing had prevented me from doing my very best. In competitive situations, the only variable I control is me and I have to remember that.

I smiled reading through my aunt's contribution when I saw that she learned this same lesson when she was 35.

Your name (first name and last initial) Kristen F. S.

What year did you turn 35? 1985

Where were you living then? Glendale, California

What were you doing then? I had decided to be a stay-at-home mom. I had two young sons, ages 5 and 2, and was pregnant with my third child (who, thankfully, was a girl).

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? It was a huge decision for me to not continue with my career at that time. I have a master's degree in gerontology and had achieved a fairly high level of success working in long-term care communities. I felt that I had a very special gift for working with older people. With our second child, my plan was to just take a few years off. Finding good daycare was difficult and I wanted to provide the absolute best for my children. But when we had our "surprise" third child, I knew in my heart that I could not do my best at work and at home, and I always wanted to do my best, so I began my fulfilling but sometimes frustrating journey of raising children for several years. Professional endeavors were as a volunteer.

What major events happened in the world that year? As you might imagine, with three young children, world events were not foremost on my mind, so I had to go to Wikipedia to research major events for 1985. And guess what?? In 1985, there were multiple terrorist attacks (in Northern Ireland and in the Mideast), several airplane crashes, a huge spy scandal—sound familiar??—and it was the second inauguration of Mr. Ronald Reagan. Guess it doesn't matter who is president. Oh, and the big technology advancement was the introduction of the video game Tetris. Have you heard of that?

What are your favorite memories of being 35? It may be hard to believe, but my absolute favorite memory of being 35 is that I was pregnant. I was one of the lucky women who didn't have morning sickness, didn't gain more than the appropriate amount of weight and actually looked quite pretty. I know—obnoxious! But the reason that this is my favorite memory is that people are SO nice to you when you are pregnant, not just friends and relatives, but people at the grocery store, at all errands-related locations and on the street. I remember smiles, offers of help, compliments—what could be better? I guess I should also mention that my two little boys were challenging—but very cute—another nice memory.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? What I liked best about being 35 is that I no longer compared myself to other people. I grew up with a feeling of always having to live up to my older sisters. In school, I was always striving to do as well as the smartest people in the class. At work, I was trying to prove that I was worthy of the opportunities that were offered to me. Somehow, by 35, I was released from those constant comparisons and was just happy to be myself.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Although I no longer compared myself to others, I did still have an element of self-doubt—my own self-imposed burden. For this reason, I decided to not return to my career for several years—not even part-time—because I didn't believe that I could raise three kids and excel at work at the same time.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I learned patience, sacrifice, perseverance, creativity and unconditional love.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? I don't think I really had any particular expectations or attitudes about being 35. One lesson that I had already learned in my studies of gerontology is that chronological age is not really that important. How you are living your life is all that matters.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? I guess I was somewhat surprised that we were having a third child—I was never someone who planned when I would marry, how many kids I would have, etc. The other surprise would be (in hindsight) that being 35 was not surprising—it was just another year with multiple opportunities to live life well.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I would definitely blend my life as a wife and mother with my life as a professional with reasonable expectations of both. I don't really believe in "having it all" but now I do think it would have been possible "to have some of many things." Perfection is not a healthy goal.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? Don't focus on your age. Focus on your strengths, your personal well-being and your dreams. It doesn't matter what our society thinks you should be doing—it only matters that you are doing what you want to do.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? The only other words I want to share (again, hindsight) is that if you are focusing on being 35, know this—you are so young!! And you have decades ahead of you to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams! Enjoy the journey!!

'Captured My Imagination'

Sixteen years ago my brother took me to see the new movie from the guy who made "Clerks" and "Mallrats." With that first viewing of "Chasing Amy," I became a life-long Kevin Smith fan.

Earlier this year, I read Smith's latest book (which I wrote a bit about here), which reinforces the message he shares in most of his talks, podcasts and whatnot—to follow your dreams. This week, Smith posted a long entry on his blog about following his latest dream, in this case turning a story he and producing partner Scott Mosier talked about on their podcast into a quickly hammered-out screenplay into a movie that will being shooting this fall.

To sum up, he wrote, "The moral of the story, kids? Chase every dopey dream you ever have, so long as it doesn't involve hurting or killing anybody. You never know where it will lead you."

At nearly 36, I'm trying to do that more, to follow through on any of the millions of little ideas that have spun through my head and turn them into reality. I'm currently filling up a notebook with the beginnings of something. I've also decided what project I'm going to start once I end this project in a few weeks.

I don't know what will come of any of this but the act of putting pen to paper, of seeing words fill a page, of the ideas moving from my head out into the physical world is so exciting. Stay tuned.

'Some Have Gone & Some Remain'

A burger place I used to go to all the time in high school has closed. I was sad to the see that the sign had changed, even though I hadn't eaten there in years.

I think that happens a lot, people lamenting the loss of a once-treasured thing that they haven't thought about or visited in ages. I roll my eyes when I read about throngs of people flocking to get their last meal from some local favorite restaurant that's closing down after falling on hard times—if everyone loved the place so much, business wouldn't have dipped and the place wouldn't need to close.

This impulse isn't saved only for places, it also happens with relationships. "We really should get together more often" is one of my least-favorite phrases. Like with the burger place, if you value a relationship, put the time in, pay a visit, make a call, do something.

Part of getting older means saying goodbye to places and relationships that once meant so much to you. Some of those partings are dramatic and traumatic that you're left with scars, while others happen so gradually and so easily that you barely notice the loss.

I'm not sure which is worse, knowing you're going to lose something that matters or realizing much later that it's long gone. I would like to have more control in both situations though, to make more of an effort, to put in the time and the work necessary so that if another of my favorite places closes or another friend and I part ways, at least I'll know I did what I could to keep them around as long as possible.

'Fine & Dandy'

The last concert I went to was Green Day in March, entirely too long ago. I have two concerts coming up, back-to-back, later this month—Weezer on the 26th and John Mayer on the 27th. To prepare, I loaded my Weezer and John Mayer albums onto my iPod.

On the drive home from yoga tonight, Weezer's "Pork & Beans" came through on shuffle. It was exactly what I needed to hear, so I repeated it. The song's lyrics were written in response to a meeting the band's members had with their record label about doing more-commercial work and celebrates self-love and acceptance.

"I don't give a hoot about what you think," Rivers Cuomo sings in the chorus. I thought that growing older gives confidence and that you stop caring so much about other people's opinions. Sadly, that's not the case.

I don't want to apologize for myself, my life, my decisions or my circumstances. I don't want to be embarrassed about who I am or ashamed about who I'm not. I don't want anyone else's opinion of me have more weight than my opinion of myself. Like Rivers sang, I want to be "fine and dandy with the me inside."

I do feel more comfortable in my skin at 35 than I did at 15 or 25, but there are still times when I waver. Like the guys in Weezer, I know the key is remembering who I am and staying true to that, then all that outside noise will quiet down.

'Time Won't Leave Me as I Am'

I've known U2 most of my life but didn't become a true fan until 2001 and the Elevation Tour. Since then, the band and its music have played a big role in my life, sparking big adventures and great friendships. Carlos, this week's contributor, is one of those friends I made thanks to U2. Below, he reflects on his life at 35.

Your name Carlos G.

What year did you turn 35? 10 years ago

Where were you living then? Fontana, California

What were you doing then? Working for the same company I work now.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? Married for 11 years, second baby born.

What major events happened in the world that year? U2 played in the Super Bowl's half time show....

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Having my second kid born, Ian.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? The fact that I still felt like a teenager.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? The fact that I thought I was still a teenager.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? That adults in their 30s and 40s can be as immature as children.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Be more patient.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? If it does not feel right, don't do it.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? Take more pictures and video, you will regret it if you don't.

'I Love You and I Like You'

This week I went through the four DVD sets of "Parks & Recreation," my favorite show on TV. There's so much I adore about the show, the relationships at the top of that list. I've written in the past about how much I dislike the will-they-or-won't-they plots on TV shows, but I've been 100-percent pro Leslie and Ben throughout their story arc on "Parks & Rec." They're one of my top TV couples.

My favorite thing about Leslie and Ben is that they really like each other. It should be a given that two people in a couple would actually like each other, but in TV and movies that seems to be the exception and not the rule. I didn't watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" because I couldn't stand the sniping and put downs. I walked out of "Before Midnight" because the constant picking got me.

Why is it so rare for pop culture couples to like each other?

Sadly, in real life, I've known a number of couples who don't seem to like each other either. I don't get it. Why be with someone who you think is stupid? Why spend your time with a person who's every action drives you crazy? Why link your life to a person you don't respect?

Having never been married, I'll admit I'm probably a little naïve about the inner workings of a long-term relationship. I do understand that, like all human relationships, romantic relationships have ups and downs, but even on the worst day, I want to believe that like will keep everything afloat.

For every negative example in pop culture and in life, I know of so many more real and fictional couples that love each other, are devoted to one another and, above all, really like each other. That's what I want. I want to be with someone who I think is the coolest guy on the planet, someone who I think is smart and talented and decent and good-hearted, someone I like and love.

'Did I mention that I make really neat pie charts?'

Throughout the course of the day, I'll wonder why I haven't found a job yet. I've been lucky to have plenty of jobs to apply for, I just haven't gotten many bites. Why? What am I doing wrong? What should I do differently? What tricks can I try?

The other night when pondering these ceaseless questions, another question came to me, one much more essential than all the others I've been dwelling on. Am I ready? If I got a job offer tomorrow, am I prepared to settle back into the office environment, the commute, the dress codes, the assignments, the deadlines, the full nine?

I believe I am, believe that if I got that call I'd be ready to get up early in the morning, my outfit laid out, my gas tank full, my breakfast made. I want the assignments, the tasks and the to-do lists. I want to learn the schedule and meet my deadlines. I want to be back to work and am ready to go.

How do I express that readiness to the recruiters, HR administrators, editors and computer programs currently considering the applications I've submitted? I can't call each of these people, can't go to all of their offices, bursting with enthusiasm, "What can I do for you? Do you need any help? Let me get that for you." Somehow, I have to figure out how to tell them that I'm done sitting on the bench and ready to be put in the game in just a few hundred characters.

Maybe if I keep repeating to myself and to anyone who'll listen that I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'll get the chance to prove how ready I am.

'If I could offer you only one tip for the future ...'

This morning on the radio there was a discussion about commencement speakers and how some conservatives were complaining about the liberal bent of speakers at the top universities in the country. The discussion made me think about the speaker at my college graduation ceremony (not a political figure and so terribly boring), speakers at other ceremonies I've attended (my brother had Nic Cage and he was incredible) and speeches from notables I've read or heard.

I don't remember political messages in any. I also don't remember much decent, practical advice in any of the speeches. Most follow the same "reach for the stars" theme. If the speeches aren't delivering good advice, what's the point? I graduated on a quite warm May morning, the sun climbing higher and higher in the sky, baking the graduates and their families as the speakers droned on for what felt like hours. Shouldn't I have gotten some pearls out of the deal?

Since I'm not a politician, celebrity or mega-successful businessperson, I'll probably never be asked to give a commencement speech. If some universal twist did offer me the opportunity, I'd go for honesty rather than generic inspiration because I think if you've made it through college, you've already learned some hard-won lessons and deserve the truth. I'd probably opt for something along the lines of the Daria's speech at her high school graduation:

"Um, thank you. I'm not much for public speaking, or much for speaking, or, come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that, in my experience, high school sucks. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in preschool so I could go from eighth grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares, it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise, my advice is: stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong; remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked; the truth and a lie are not 'sort of the same thing'; and there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you."

I'd like graduates to know that failing isn't the end of the world. That it's OK to say no to any offer that you know won't be good for you in the long run. That constantly comparing yourself to and being jealous of other people will only hold you back. That sometimes you're going to be only one to tell yourself "good job." That the best decisions are often the toughest to make and the hardest for other people to understand. That dreams don't always come true. That life isn't always fair. That not getting what you want is sometimes the best thing for you. That only you can determine what will make you truly happy.

Even if I had been told all those things when I graduated, I probably wouldn't have listened. If I had listened, I'd have looked for the exceptions and loopholes. Of course, I knew better. Of course, my life was going to be different. It still could be.

'You've Got Some Stuff'

For the past six months, NPR's weekend "All Things Considered" has featured the series "Movies I've Seen a Million Times," where filmmakers, actors, writers and directors talk about the movies that they never get tired of watching. More than a dozen people have contributed, detailing why they can't get enough of movies ranging from "The Godfather" to "Clueless" (one of my all-time favorites).

I have a rather long list of movies I could contribute to the series and, thanks to a cable subscription, it keeps growing. The list includes movies I've loved most of my life ("Stand By Me," "Ferris Bueller," "She's Having a Baby"), movies tied to a time and place ("Chasing Amy," "Office Space," "Clueless") and newer discoveries ("Sarah Marshall," "Crazy, Stupid, Love." "Easy A").

"Bridesmaids" fits into the newer-discoveries category, a movie I saw in the theater and have watched dozens and dozens of times on cable since. There are so many reasons to like the movie—the performances, the jokes, the friendships—but the thing that keeps me tuning in over and over is Annie's fall, and how much I relate to it.

Throughout the movie, Annie's life is crumbling around her. She's lost her business and her boyfriend, has a terrible job, worse roommates and a still worse car. The disappointments pile up and up and up until Annie feels like she's going to break under the weight of it all. She sees no hope in her situation so willfully makes terrible decisions and refuses any help.

I understand how could Annie fall into despair, why she believes her life is total garbage and won't ever change. Sometimes bad news arrives in pairs or large groups. Sometimes the only way you can think of to respond is by hiding. Sometimes it feels easier to give in than to fight.

Once Annie accepts responsibility for her past failures, and potential future successes, she's able to move forward. I haven't hit bottom like she did, but I know action works better than passivity. I know I'm the cause of and solution to all the challenges I face.

Even though I know all this, even though I feel like I'm at least slightly better together than Annie is, I still tune in to "Bridesmaids." Seeing her make all the wrong moves reminds me why I have to keep trying to make the right ones.

'You Place the Flowers in the Vase …'

I bonded with this week's contributor at my first real job in 1999. Dr. Erica is simply one of the coolest people I've ever known—smart, passionate, funny, tough and honest. She recently turned 36 and reflects on the amazing adventures, milestones and heartbreaks she faced at 35 below.

Your name (first name and last initial) Erica H.

What year did you turn 35? 2012

Where were you living then? Ashland, Wisconsin. The middle of the fucking arctic tundra. Horribly long winters, but living on Lake Superior is amazing.

What were you doing then? I was in my fourth year as an assistant professor of history at a very small liberal arts college. I was preparing for a big trip to Europe. I was finishing the edits on my first book. I suffered an ectopic pregnancy and lost my right fallopian tube.

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35? My first book, on wine culture in 19th century America, was accepted for publication by a big academic press. A massive, awesome milestone for me. I also got married—for the second time. The wedding was tiny, only 35 people, in a church-turned-yoga-studio six blocks from Lake Superior, two days after Thanksgiving. We did everything OUR way: tiny, beautiful venue and group of people; awesome four-piece jazz band; cheesecake; our favorite beer on tap. A huge year for me!

What major events happened in the world that year? I feel like the world has grown only more polarized in the past few years. Partisan politics, of course. But also the everyday life stuff that used to be fairly rote is now a political decision, a decision where you're testing your health at every turn. In this case, friends all around me trying to get pregnant are scared to eat, scared to cook on certain surfaces, scared to breathe normal air and drink normal water. Rates of autism are skyrocketing; cancer is far from cured; incredible acts of terrorism are enacted seemingly monthly, while teenage school-shooters keep killing kids. America is doing many, many things wrong. And FOX News just keeps lying to people! WTF if going on?!

What are your favorite memories of being 35? Signing a book contract; being proposed to in Italy; the second year settling into my "new" 110-year-old home. Dancing with my husband at our wedding. Growing incredible gardens in a very tough climate. Being a respected (and feared!) professor.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I feel I've attained a healthy balance and maturity at 35. I had set the goal of becoming a college professor long ago—I didn't tell anyone, but I knew I wanted it in high school. And so the fruition of those dreams has been really sweet (and will be even sweeter with tenure next year). I feel I judge myself and others more fairly now. My bullshit meter for myself (and others) is more highly attuned, and at the same time, I know when I need to give myself a break. I think the key word here is balance. The yoga is paying off in more ways than one!

What did you like least about yourself at that age? I feel like I'm losing my passionate political edge. I still have a great critical cultural edge, but I'm less willing to drop everything and go to a political rally now. Or listen to Rage Against the Machine or Ani DiFranco just to scream for a while. It's kind of sad. I guess these are the normal trade-offs of having a great career, a house, a husband, trying for a family. My political beliefs haven't changed, but I'm less willing to go enact them, whatever the means. Maybe this means I'm becoming a middle-aged suburbanite. Yikes. But maybe it also means I've been able to make positive change where and how I wanted to—in the college classroom and in my writing. And that wipes me out. But I'd like to go scream sometimes, too.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? I gained some perspective on the fraught relationship I've had with my mother over my life. Nothing is fixed, and I'm still hampered in some ways by the things she did (and didn't do), but I feel like I developed some clarity about her, and me, and my choices which were best for me. She took many of my big life choices as a personal insult (i.e., moving away from my home state, getting a PhD, becoming a professor, putting off a family). I realized at about 35 that what she wanted in me was her Mini-Me (and that's just not cool, man). Realizing that fact alone, as well as my (sometimes conscious, sometimes unconscious) decisions to be the person and scholar *I* wanted to be has set me free in some new ways, although I haven't lived with or near her since I was 18. When and if I get to become a mother, my number-one goal is to help my kid become the good person s/he wants to be, not a cookie-cutter of me.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? Hmm. I think I probably thought I could have it all at this age: loving husband, home ownership, great career, kids. I've got the first three (after a massive, horrible hiccup with a shithead first husband), but not the last. Keeping balanced, happy, and all that jazz in all areas (the essence of the American Dream, no?) is crazy fucking hard, and a standard we shouldn't push ourselves to.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? How fucking hard it is to get pregnant and then keep a viable, healthy pregnancy. I realize I'm in the minority, but I had an ectopic pregnancy in July 2012, and had a (uterine) miscarriage at eight weeks nine months later. Both ended in catastrophic surgeries and long recoveries. Every friend of mine that is trying to get pregnant in their mid-thirties is having some kind of issue, usually more on the fertility/conception side of things than on the viability of the embryo side. It's debilitating. We all focused on our careers, as society prompts us to do, and so first and second pregnancies were delayed. Essentially, our biological clocks haven't kept up with society's changes, and it sucks.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Not much. I think I've made the best decisions I could make—knew myself and acted accordingly. At any age, I think I would try to go back and convince myself that my crappy body image garbage wasn't worth it. God, if I had only given it up decades ago…and if I could only FULLY give it up now.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? Be easy on yourself. Be fabulous. I'm fairly sure 35 is the sexiest we'll ever be.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? Make damn sure you're with a person that loves you and wants the best for you, that loves your body (even more than you do), and does little nice things just to make you happy. If you feel like you're dragging that person along in life, or if any of the above requirements are not fulfilled, RED ALERT. Drop that person NOW. It's SO much better, life-changing, really, to be in a relationship where all those items are met—with aplomb and with love and respect.

'I'm Losing My Perspicacity!'

I've often identified with Lisa Simpson, her curiosity, frustration, humor, alienation, rebellion and identity crises. (Some people have also suggested that I sound a bit like her, too.)

I thought of Lisa today and "The Simpsons" season six episode ("The PTA Disbands") when Springfield Elementary School closes temporarily because of a teachers' strike. Away from the comforts of the controlled classroom environment, no longer being measured, rated, critiqued or praised, Lisa starts to break down.

"Grade me...look at me...evaluate and rank me! Oh, I'm good, good, good, and oh so smart! Grade me!" she implores mother Marge, who frantically scribbles an "A" on a piece of paper and hands it to her daughter, trying to calm her down.

Being out of work, away from the sometimes comforting, sometimes inspiring, sometimes maddening production cycle, I'm feeling like Lisa Simpson. I don't see myself as a person who needs constant reassurance, but I do appreciate feedback, constructive criticism, instruction and, yes, praise. I'm not getting any of that now and I feel less than because of it.

During the teachers' strike, Lisa turned to various plans to satisfy her intellectual and emotional needs, from drafting her own curriculum to shadowing her teacher in the hopes of learning something, anything. I've made plans to keep my mind and skills as sharp as possible during this sabbatical, but whatever the project, no matter how grand or complicated, doesn't give me the same things that a full-time job would.

By the end of the episode, the teachers and the school district came to an agreement, and the kids returned to school. For Lisa Simpson, all was once again right with the world. I know I'll have my happy resolution, too, I just want to be on my "A" game when it happens.

'And Steal Away Our Destiny ...'

In 1997, I was a 20-year-old college student and pretty well broke, pulling together what money I had from a part-time job, an internship or the stipend I earned working too many hours on the school paper. Despite this, I went to some amazing concerts that year: Beck, Tina Turner and Cyndi Lauper, No Doubt and Weezer, Rollins Band, U2, INXS, Brian Setzer Orchestra, Violent Femmes, Almost Acoustic Christmas (featuring Save Ferris, Everclear, Sugar Ray, Green Day, David Bowie and others) and Aerosmith.

There'd be other years with far more shows, but 1997 was the year when going to concerts went from being a once-in-a-while treat to a year-round activity. That was also the year Michael Hutchence died and I learned the importance of taking advantage of the opportunities that are presented to you.

I wrote about that fantastic July evening at The Greek Theatre with INXS on my other blog last year, the excitement of hearing those songs live for the first time, of seeing Michael Hutchence work his magic, and of ending up face-to-face with the man after the show and losing the nerve to speak. I left the theater determined to get another chance to thank him for the music, the show, everything, but a few months later that chance was gone forever.

I think about that night from time to time, reminding myself of that lesson. Sadly, I haven't always lived that way, made the most of every moment, taken those sudden turns that transform an ordinary night into the stuff of legends.

This bit of a sabbatical I'm on does provide an excellent opportunity to live bigger and better than I have of late, to take chances, experiment, learn, grow and do all the things that will point me in the direction I should be headed.

That's another challenge, though; I'm still not sure where that is. I started reading Kevin Smith's "Tough Sh*t: Life Advice from a Fat, Lazy Slob Who Did Good" for some laughs and, possibly, some inspiration from the man who brought me Ben Affleck. I'll be done with the book by the end of the day and have already gotten a few gems, such as this bit in chapter one:

"In the face of such hopelessness as our eventual, unavoidable death, there is little sense in not at least trying to accomplish all of your wildest dreams in life."

Makes total sense to me, except I'm having trouble expressing what my wildest dreams are. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do with my life? Where am I headed? When will I know the answers to any of these questions?

I've got some thinking to do and adventures to have.

'Just Stuck Inside the Groove'

This past week I ran into some people I hadn't seen in a while, people who didn't know I was currently jobless.

"So have you been?"
Eh ….

"What's new?"
Um …

Yeah, it's awkward. I don't know what to say and they don't know how to react. It's like when you see an old acquaintance who asks about the boyfriend you broke up with, the friend you're no longer speaking to, the relative who died—they don't know they've hit a sore spot, they're just curious about your life.

After more than two months, I naively thought that everybody did know I'd been laid off and that I wouldn't have to tell the story anymore. I realize now that there's no way of guaranteeing that any news, good or bad, will be properly spread to every single person in your life, so I have to be prepared to give the updates and answer the questions, even when I don't feel like it.

As I've written before, I've been overwhelmed by a gracious outpouring ever since I learned I'd be losing my job. I've been recommended for jobs, sent listings, received notes of love and encouragement, and gotten more hugs, handshakes, smiles and nods than I can count. All of that has meant so much to me but there are still times when I want to close in and shut down, when I succumb to solipsism, am overtaken by doubt, do battle with self-pity, and just want to be left alone.

I feel like the worst person in the world at those times.

I want help except when I don't. I want to talk about it except when I can't. There are times when I want to unload everything, dissect the minute whys and hows, and somehow arrive at the purpose of this experience; other times I want to forget it and just talk about anything else.

As positive, as hopeful, as confident as I can be, I do sometimes feel that I don't wear all this as well as I could, and I'm sorry for that.

Someone who wears most things much better than I ever could is Russell Brand. He's hosting a charity gig tomorrow night to raise money to help people addicted to drugs and alcohol get the help they need. In this diary entry he talks about how his own struggle pushes him to help others. It's an incredibly worthwhile read.

'I'm Dead-On for 35'

John Mayer has been a bit off-the-radar for the past two years, first going underground after shooting his mouth off a bit too much in interviews and then going into seclusion as he recovered from two vocal cord procedures. His voice is nearly healed now so he's begun making public appearances, including doing an interview for this past weekend's "CBS Sunday Morning."

In the interview, John Mayer (who I only refer to by full name, FYI) was asked about the infamous interviews, the tabloids, his relationships, his health and his music (which, sadly, gets overshadowed too often by the other things on this list). He talked about the lessons he's learned over the past few years and said, "I wish that I grew up a year for every year of my life, but I didn't, I stopped for a certain period of time and I was 24 for six years, or whatever, and then the log jam cleared. I'm dead-on for 35."

I wish I could be that sure of myself at this age. Whatever the physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and material markers a person's supposed have at 35, today, watching that interview, hearing John Mayer say that, I don't feel I can say that for myself.

I've never lied about my age because I never saw the need to. Now when I tell someone how old I am, I'll admit that I feel a bit embarrassed because I don't think I've lived up to it. I want to be able to declare myself, my age, my accomplishments, my situation without apology. Hopefully I won't have to go to the lengths or through the trials that John Mayer to get there.

You can watch the complete "CBS Sunday Morning" interview here.

'But Enough About Me …'

I wouldn't be a good salesperson. I don't have the confidence to make cold calls or to approach strangers and convince them to spend money on something I'd be representing. Armed with this self-knowledge, I've stayed on the editorial side of publishing and avoided the advertising side as much as possible.

Being in the job market, though, requires that I become my own sales representative. I believe in myself and have confidence in my abilities, but putting that across in a cover letter or during an interview isn't easy for me because I'd much rather show that I know how to do something than talk about my skills.

I joke around about how awesome I am and what a total rock star I can be. I sometimes even believe those things a little but I could never sit across from a hiring manager and say those things with a straight face. I know that finding a new kick-ass job requires a bit of that posturing and I'm afraid of falling short, of becoming flustered or shy or anxious and not being able to convince the person, or people, interviewing me that I can do the job done better than they thought it could be done, even when I know it's true.

My challenge is to figure out a way to confidently and graciously talk myself up without sounding like a total blowhard. Once I master that, I think I'll end up in the best job for me.

'You Know It's Such a Trip'

When I started this blog last summer, my intention was to post every Wednesday. There were weeks when I missed the Wednesday but still managed to post something each week. I've been slacking lately, though, and am about two weeks late on this installment.

I haven't found a new job but have tried to find as many things to keep me busy as possible. I'm in the early stages of a big project for AWF, am sending out as many resumes as I can and have been volunteering in a friend's kindergarten class. I also created a mix to push me forward when I need it.

The 18-track set, "Get Up!", was very fun to put together and even more fun to listen to. It contains:

Gwen Stefani "What You Waiting For?"
Madonna "Jump"
Spice Girls "Who do You Think You Are?"
The Pretenders "Middle of the Road"
No Doubt "Settle Down"
U2 "I'll Go Crazy if I Don't Go Crazy Tonight"
The Vines "Get Free"
INXS "Kick"
Madonna "Over and Over"
Jimmy Eat World "The Middle"
No Doubt, Busy Signal & Major Lazer "Push and Shove"
U2 "Breathe"
Madonna, Kanye West & Pharrell Williams "Beat Goes On"
Elvis Costello "Pump It Up"
Destiny's Child "Survivor"
U2 "All Because of You"
Madonna "Turn up the Radio"
The Proclaimers "I'm on My Way"

I'll let you know where these songs and my to-do list lead me.

'Here I Go Again'

Even though I have loner tendencies, I don't believe that anyone makes it through this world on their own. We all have heroes and champions, people who paved our way through their actions, assistance, encouragement or, sometimes, discouragement.

I write today's entry in an empty house. The only interaction I've had today, aside from online, is with my dog. That doesn't mean I'm on my own. Over the last couple of weeks, so many people have reached out to share their experiences, to let me know how they made it through their periods of joblessness, pretty much all for the better.

Mike, this week's contributor, is one of those gracious people. Since turning 35, Mike reported the following major milestones in his life:

1. Moved in with my gf
2. Broke up with my gf and moved out
3. Lived overseas for 2.5 months
4. Traveled to Europe and Japan a few times
5. Launched a brand new cable network in 2007, one which is going very strongly still. I no longer work there, I quit, but, I am proud of how well it did/is doing.

Your name (first name and last initial) Mike F.

What year did you turn 35? 2005

Where were you living then? Redondo Beach, California

What were you doing then (working, going to school, raising kids, etc.)? Working

What big personal milestones happened when you were 35 (got married, bought a house, moved to a new city, started a new job, etc.)? No major milestones.

What major events happened in the world that year? London Underground terrorist bombing, Saddam Hussein's trial, Hurricane Katrina, Israeli Troops left Gaza, Pope John Paul II died ....

What are your favorite memories of being 35? No one specific thing. Life was good for me then. I liked my job, loved where I lived, had great friends, etc., much like now.

What did you like best about yourself at that age? I liked how I was becoming a better and more mature adult. More generous, thoughtful. I liked that I had accumulated a track record in life, could look back and see where I was strong, weak, etc. But, mostly, I just liked that I had turned out to be a down-to-earth, well-adjusted and productive person, one whose family and friends could rely upon.

What did you like least about yourself at that age? Still a little too sarcastic at that stage of my life. And a little too eager to argue about little, meaningless things.

What were the biggest lessons you learned at that age? None that I can recall, it was seven years ago. It was mostly a normal year for me.

What were the biggest misconceptions you had about being 35? That age is a number and that it's all in your mind, tell that to my body after a day of playing sports.

What was the most surprising thing about being 35? That I didn't feel old at all.

If you could go back to that age knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? I'd let the little things slide.

What advice can you offer to other 35-year-olds? Let the little things slide. Seriously, life's too short to stand on ceremony or be spiteful for spite's sake, be the one who smoothes things over, who takes the high road, etc..not at the cost of being a doormat, of course, but, don't let ego or pride undo good things.

Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences being 35? Not really. I wish I had some sort of amazing series of stories about turning 35 but it really was just another good year in a stretch of good years from age 25–38 or so.

'Off You Go'

Last month I declared seeing Morrissey in concert my big resolution for 2013. Even as I typed it, I knew that resolution was a bit of a cop-out, but I had no idea how quickly that goal could become both ridiculous and, potentially, unobtainable.

I'm about to start my second week of unemployment, my second week with no job to go, no commute to undertake, no idea of how to spend my time. I've made a lengthy to-do list chocked full of super-fun things like cleaning out my drawers and ironing all my wrinkled clothes (I loathe ironing) knowing that I have to keep as busy as possible so I don't sink into being the absolutely worst of myself—lazy, lethargic, hopeless, antisocial, nothing.

Finding a new job, a better job, a job I love, a job I can grow in, excel at is, of course, at the top of my list. The sooner I accomplish that, the sooner I can leave that to-do list behind and the sooner, maybe, I can find myself at Morrissey's show.